Heart on Your Sleeve

3

Lisa doesn't mean it, she swears. She doesn't mean to make Jennie cry.

Because a crying Jennie means something hurt enough to make her crack, to make her sob and bite her lip with the effort of holding it all in. A crying Jennie means open and raw and real and Lisa...Lisa doesn't like a crying Jennie.

Jennie deserves to be happy and free.

(Lisa doesn't mean it, she swears. The blade fell upon her wrist, she didn't press it against her own skin, right?)

"Right Lili? You didn't do this; please tell me you didn't do this"

Lisa feels Jennie's hands, cupping her cheeks, they're wet and glide across her skin and it's only later does she realise it's blood, thick, red and real. She frowns, Jennie's words register in her mind and she blinks confusedly to the crying girl in front of her. Jennie is cradling her face like she's something precious.

"Nini, why are you crying?" If anything, the words make another sob escape Jennie's chest.

"Fuck, please. Please tell me you didn't mean to do this"

Lisa looks to her hands, her blood-stained hands, and everything is so foggy. How did she get here? When did she hurt herself? Panic sets in, and Lisa's chest labours as tears prick her vision because she can't remember anything and that's scary, it's so so scary but it's not as scary as Jennie crying. Because Lisa doesn't like it when she cries.

Jennie deserves to be happy and free. Jennie deserves to be happy and free. Jennie deserves to be happy and free.

"Nini...? How did I... I don't..."

Lisa looks up helplessly, Jennie's bottom lip wobbles dangerously and the older girl bites her lip, shutting her eyes as she presses a towel down to Lisa's wrists. Or maybe a jacket. She's not sure, where is she?

"Shhhh. It's okay Lili. Lili? Lisa listen to me. Lisa? No, no, no, no" Jennie shakes her body, grabbing to the lapels of the younger girl's jacket, crying into the air between them as Lisa's eyes shut. Softly, slowly, finally.

"Don't leave me, please. Please. Lisa...Lisa!" She wakes with a start, gasping in air as if she was drowning. Jennie's above her, eyebrows furrowed as Lisa looks around the car widely, chest heaving and panting as sweat forms on her forehead, her dream melting away at the edges.

She's in her car. Next to Jennie. She quickly brings up her hands to her face, flipping them back and forth and almost wheezing with how she breathes. Jennie then takes her wrist softly in hers, hushing her sweetly and looking on worriedly.

"Hey, you okay?"

Lisa swallows once, nods, and closes her eyes. Pays attention to the feeling of Jennie's thumb rubbing at her pulse point. It was only a dream, it was only a dream, it was only a dream.

"Yeah yeah. I'm okay. Bad dream"

Lisa smiles after, to reassure the other girl, but Jennie doesn't buy it. She drops it though, because Lisa looks like she's about to faint, she looks like one more intake of air and she'll cease to breathe all together. So Jennie tucks a stray hair behind her ear, Lisa swallowing at the intimate gesture.

"Deep breaths. Like you said, just a bad dream, yeah?" Lisa nods, worrying her lip piercing, and breathes out deeply; a shaky sigh. Then breathing in. Then breathing out.

And Jennie smiles after, proud of her, because Lisa's learning and she's growing and everyday Jennie gets to see the other girl love herself just that little more. Like a small crack of light was shining into her chest.
Lisa does it all for Jennie. It's bad, she knows. She knows she should be doing it for herself. Healing for herself.