"alice, whatever it is, maybe you're not the one who's lost...or missing. maybe it just needs to find its own way to you, in due time. and until then, you're just gonna have to find enough solace in this damn cat."
•••
in which the lack of a girl's...
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LENA november 5 2008
The town is small enough that it seems it'll be easy enough to find my way around. I haven't gone farther than a gas station off the nearest highway, which hasn't warranted me any confused or curious stares. I'm sure there's enough travelers that come and go, a foreign face wouldn't much faze anyone.
This time, however, I drive past the gas station and continue north, following the highway right into town.
Right into Forks, Washington.
The worn down wooden sign stating that the city welcomes me doesn't seem very promising. All it does is lead me right into the dreariness of the small town that I'm not too keen on exploring by my lonesome. I'd invited Theo despite already knowing he'd decline, however I'm desperately clinging to the idea that he might agree to come with me. Alas, he persisted on staying home; reason being that we'd be much more conspicuous if we went as the two of us.
And here I am—scanning the buildings as I pass and trying to find a diner that, at this hour, could be hosting more than my soon to be, one and only self. The population of this town is negligible—if Theo wanted inconspicuous, we would've been better off moving into a city of millions. At least there, we'd easily be able to melt into the multitude of faces. There wouldn't be any shock at the sight of a new and unfamiliar face, therefore no reason for the locals to ask questions.
God, I hate questions. And I hate being expected to answer.
Regardless, the sound of multiple heartbeats and consistent chattering coming from a small restaurant as I pass by causes me to bring my car to a stop. I park across the street, away from the harsh glare of the light posts, and step out into the crisp air. It's barely six in the evening as dusk draws in, and November is just the onset of winter's lost hours of sunlight.
I stand next to my car for a few moments, just so I can listen and prepare myself to walk in there. It really shouldn't be a big deal at all, and for any normal human being, it wouldn't be. But Theo and I are different—we're different from each other and different from all the others. We'll never have the chance to just be normal human beings, never again. This is what our lives have come to, and we've both accepted that much. But my difference is that there's still so much more that I want to do with my life, and I don't want to wait. I've officially decided that I can't let him hold me back from that for any longer.
My feet rush me across the street, and I have to remind myself to slow down. I've conditioned myself to blend in; it's just been so long.
"Well," An amiable woman beams at me on sight, before the door can chime to alert the room of my arrival. "Welcome to Carver Cafe! Table for one?"
I offer a smile and mindlessly follow her gaze, taking a seat at one of the barstools as she leans over the counter. I inhale, taking in all the different scents and perceive hers to be just as open and sweet as she seems to be. Light mountain air, with a tinge of fresh citrus.
