Philips (Sequel to De Santa)

Chapter Eighteen

A man sat down at my table and gave me a gentle smile. He was cute. Brown-ish orange hair, blue eyes, a jaw that could cut glass, and perfectly sun kissed skin. To be honest, he reminded me of the LS celebrity Jarrett Letto, but with short hair and a different color. "Hi," the man smiled.

"Howdy," I smiled back and held out my hand, which the man took, but instantly regretted as I aggressively shook his hand.

"So," the man managed to yank his hand away from me and smiled. "What, uh...what do you do for a living?"

"I work for a sewage company."

"Really?"

"Yeah, I'm the person they call when the city's septic is acting up. I gotta go down there and fix it. And let me tell you, it's a goddamn mess. I've never seen so much corn in my entire life."

"Oh, that sounds...interesting."

"Sure is. I mean, it's a dirty job, but someone's gotta do it, right?"

"Right—"

"But what I think is the worst is when you get down there and find out that what's causing the issue is too many things that weren't supposed to be flushed. I mean, I 've seen some weird shit in my life, pun intended, but I can't believe people flush things like that. I'm talking tampons, maxi pads, condoms, I've even seen a couple of miscarried fetuses. My guess is that they didn't know or they were at a public restroom and went to move and then, whoosh! Baby gone bye bye." The man looked absolutely horrified. "But enough about me, what about you? What do you do?"

"I'm a, uh...p-personal trainer."

"Well, hot damn!" I smiled. "I bet you be packing some rock hard abs, ain't you?"

"Well," the man smiled. "I work hard on them."

"I bet. You look good, healthy."

"Thank you." I subtly glanced up at the clock and smiled, I managed to blow eight minutes.

"I gotta ask though, I mean, curiosity killed the cat, right?"

"Ask what?"

"Is it true what they say?"

"What?"

"That men who use steroids have small dicks?" The man's eyes widened. "I mean, I've heard it happens, but I ain't ever seen a roid dick in person."

"I, uh...I wouldn't know."

"I mean, it's probably a sausage fest there at the gym already, but the question is, is what kind of sausage? Polish or vienna?" Before the man could even respond, the timer dinged and he was sent on his way, only to be replaced by another man. This guy wasn't exactly ugly, but he wasn't that cute, either. Still, he seemed happy to be here.

"Howdy!" The man smiled his biggest gapped tooth grin. "Name's Harold!"

"Nice to meet you, Harold," I politely smiled back.

"Whatcha do for a livin'?"

"I work for the sewage company. It's a real nasty job, come home smelling like shit every night."

"Shoo wee, I know the feeling. I work at a horse ranch every day."

"You do? What do you do there?"

"Oh, I'm in charge of the breedin'. See, we sell our horse's sperm to people who wanna breed only the best show horses or race horses there is."

"Oh...what's that like?"

"Oh, that's real fun. See, we bring in this horse who's ready to fuck, right?" My eyes widened as everyone began to stare. "And then we bring 'em up to this dummy horse and when it mounts it, I grab it by its penis and shove it into a glove and hold it there while it ejaculates into it, which goes into a jar at the end."