I know everything there is to know about Han Jisung. His blood type — B. His shoe size — 255mm. His height — 169 centimeters. His favorite type of shoe — platform Converse. What I don't know is the way to his heart.
MY DEEPEST DESIRE
2010 - Kuala Lumpur
Wind. The terrible gusts of air crashed over the telephone poles, completely destroying all semblance of cell service in Malaysia.
"Jisung!" I yelled, hoping to hear a shout back. I waited, clinging onto a palm tree that was being uprooted. I waited and waited, shutting my eyes, going to a safer, happier place.
"Y/N!" I finally heard back. The only word he knew in Malay was my name.
A palm frond flew from the tree I was clinging onto into my face. Everything was dark. Suddenly, I feel something. Is it another leaf? No -- a hand, on my shoulder.
"Y-y/n? Are you okay?!" Jisung shouted.
I couldn't understand him. I only spoke Malay. The storm whirled around us, worsening by the second. I knew what I needed to do.
I clutched the necklace hanging from my neck. I felt the keyhole in its center and dipped my hand into my pocket. I grabbed Jisung's hand, opened it, and placed the key I had retrieved from my pocket into his soft, smooth palm.
I knew he wouldn't understand a word I said, so I didn't speak. I let my actions do the talking. I pointed to the key, then showed him my necklace. I looked into his eyes and instantly knew he understood. By giving him this key, I symbolically gave him the key to my heart. One day, we would be reunited.
The cyclone's winds got stronger and stronger, and I could feel our hands separating. I felt the tip of his fingers leave mine, and with that, he was gone.
Present Day 2020
"Mom? Should I sweep the stairs now?" No answer. Of course. I took my straw broom and slowly made my way to my mom's room. Inching closely, I cracked open the door and saw why there was no answer.
Light snoring emanated from the mass in the bed.
"Damn, guess I have to do everything myself..." I mumbled, pivoting to turn and walk back to the front door.
Opening the door I was immediately hit with a sweet Malaysian breeze, the sun was shining, the birds were chirping, it was a perfect day.
I looked out into the street; most of it was barren aside from a small vendor on the corner. Since COVID-19 the once-bustling busy streets have turned to an eerie quiet shell of themselves.
"Come here, girl!" I say to the anemic dog walking by my house.
The stray's name was Winnie, I was pretty proud to have come up with that one. Smiling to myself, I bent down to pet the animal.
"Poor thing, you have fleas everywhere!" I said in a concerned voice. "I guess everyone is having a hard time now, a lot fewer people are giving you scraps, huh..."
I turned to go back into the house.
"I wonder if there's anything I can find for you." I opened the fridge scouring for anything I could afford to give.
"6 eggs and 2 loaves of bread, fuck... I need to go to the store today." I mumbled cursing under my breath. I look down at my new friend. Her pitiful eyes gleamed with hope as I mustered up the courage to say, "I'm sorry, I don't have anything for you." It was at this point where her whimpers turned to growls as if she could understand my tone of voice.
It's at this point when I suddenly remembered tasting the sweet flavor of his favorite rice and egg dish.
My mouth was watering. In an effort to stop thinking about the wonderful food my mind turned to our wordless promise all those years ago as the cyclone washed away our only method of communication, and suddenly I thought of what could have been if he only studied Malay a little harder. Maybe then our silent relationship could have blossomed into something more. I stared down at the whining pup at my feet and wished that he was there by my side once again. I didn't know what became of him after that frightful day. My neighbors said he moved back to Korea, his home country, but unfortunately, we had never had the opportunity to exchange any sort of contact information, and with that fateful day, I had lost my childhood love.
He was the only boy that had ever caught my eye, even if we were both so young. My best friend, Aisha, was always trying to get me to indulge in her latest boy-crush fantasies from abroad, but I wasn't so inclined. To me, the celebrities she fantasized about would never amount to the kind of standard I had set for men since I met him. Every time she would show me a new boy group, especially from the k-pop genre, I would just smile and nod politely. I didn't have enough money to lose myself in the k-pop addiction. Hell, I didn't have enough money to feed a stray dog.
I sighed, closing the door to the almost-empty fridge, and hoped that wherever he was, he was faring better than I was.
