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author: IAmHoussem17
genre: teen fiction
rating: ☆ ☆ ☆
POV: third person, from multiple characters
synopsis: friends Matt, Mike, Evelyn, Mara, Jordi, and Asher handle the ups and downs of high school, all while planning Matt's birthday party.
story hook: not bad but could improve I think. it can be a lil cliche to start a story by waking up in the morning. maybe it could start during Matt's least favorite class as a teacher pick on him, or by bike riding to school or to Mike's house.
character development: I do feel that the character blend together a lil bit, but as the story goes, you start to see Asher as the tough one and Matt as the gamer. love these details coming into place. i wish I know what they looked like more. however, I really like how there's multiple perspectives but I wanna see how these character differs.
plot hills or holes: i don't know what grade they are in at high school. also, what is the main conflict being resolved? I'm going to assume I didn't read far enough to get there, but I hope the birthday party is a place where conflicts arise, and the rest of the story is used to resolve them all. i think one major plot hill is that I see that each character has different problems or focused in their lives, so definitely good job with that!
world building: suburban, city, or rural? couldn't tell you. this helps any reader feel like theyre living in the story with the characters, but I am still curious.
writing style: great language, and I think there's SO much potential here! Could use some more lengthy descriptions I think, but the dialogue is good. the way you piece the sentences together is pretty good, too.
grammar, spelling, punctuation: minor errors with quotations and other things. see my chapter on grammar & style help!
what it did well: the concept is good, and I think have multiple POV's is a fresh idea. i see a lot of potential because the writer is definitely strong in their foundation of how to write (I can tell they are a reader for sure). i can see the writing style and voice improves as the chapters go.
where to improve: i think we need to see more conflict to make this friend group more interesting and drive the story forward. when switching POV's, make sure it's clear to the reader who is talking. personal preference but it's a lil tough for me to understand what's going on and figure out who's taking at the same time
overall impression: reminds me of a pg-rated version of euphoria if all the characters were in the same friend group, which is a compliment (I adore that TV show so much). there is home run potential here, you just need to load the bases.
give this story a read! overall, good job, IAmHoussem17 !
