Carrots, Beetroot and Banana

Carrots, Beetroot and Bananas

Carrots, Beetroot and Bananas.

Summary: Modern AU. Hiccup offers to put up a onesie-wearing Snotlout after an accident damages his apartment. But with the twins in tow, chaos, misunderstandings and pizza fraud ensues...

A/N: Not really sure where this came from but it definitely involved a conversation with Vala 411... and may have been influenced by too many mince pies. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I don't own How To Train Your Dragon. Rights remain with Cressida Cowell and Dreamworks.

It began, as many things did on a Monday. The worst day of the week, with the relief of the weekend already a distant memory and an aeon of dull and repetitive work to wade through before the bliss of Friday evening and the chance to relax again.

Hiccup Haddock disliked Mondays as much as the next Berkian, even though he didn't particularly dislike his job as a design engineer, because the week meant that he had precious little time free to spend with his girlfriend of four years. Astrid was frantically busy, with her job as a fitness instructor and her other job working as a waitress in the evenings in the vegan cafe with her friends Dagur, Heather and Dagur's new wife, Mala. Their group of friends all found this odd, since her fitness instructor post was comfortably remunerated, but Astrid argued that she was helping Dagur and Heather out while their new business was getting onto its feet. Not that the vegan market was large to start with in Berk, an island proud of its viking heritage and a cuisine consisting of large lumps of meat, fish and honey mead. But of course the other reason why Astrid was working so hard was that she was determined to pay her share towards the deposit the couple wanted to put down on an apartment together by the end of the year. Hiccup was well-paid and had some savings as well as his inheritance from his late mother but Astrid was fierce, independent and determined and he would never insult her by suggesting that she needn't pay her half. He knew how much the action meant to her, though he was determined to find a way to persuade her that he could pay more of the day to day costs of running and living in the apartment so she only had to find her half of the mortgage. That way, they both owned their home as equals.

But he was surprised to receive a phone call from his cousin, Simon 'Snotlout' Jorgensen, who lived in a slightly dilapidated apartment building a few streets from where the couple were thinking of buying. Snotlout-who had bullied Hiccup when they were younger though they had a truce since Junior Year at High School-was a few months younger than his cousin but acted as if he was a lot older and was always condescending, despite the fact Hiccup was far more successful than Snotlout. Buoyed by a sense of entitlement and a mass of unrealistic expectations fuelled by his equally dumb father, Spitelout, Snotlout was permanently determined to show Hiccup that he was the more successful, handsome and desirable male. Which was why him calling and explicitly asking for help was so unusual.

Unenthusiastic but driven on by a sense of duty, Hiccup found himself after work knocking on the bright red door of Snotlout's small apartment. His cousin opened the door immediately and invited him in, a bottle of beer already resting on the kitchen table. But it wasn't the unprecedented generosity that had Hiccup confused. Snotlout was stocky and a full head shorter than Hiccup's lean six foot one frame but what drew the eye was the fact that the man was dressed in a bright orange carrot onesie. Feeling the world tilt slightly, Hiccup sank into a chair, swigged his beer and stared at his cousin.

"Snot-why are you dressed as a giant vegetable?" he asked, deciding there was no point beating about the bush. Appearing mildly embarrassed, Snotlout averted his clear blue eyes and sucked his own beer.

"Weeeeelll...the twins spilled beetroot juice over my clothes...the ones I rescued after the wardrobe fire..." he explained quickly.

Hiccup blinked, wondering why any visit to his cousin approximated a visit to an alternate reality.