soulmates¹ | aaron hotchner. ✓

22 : the letter.

hotch's pov

Dr. Shepherd shakes his head, "I'm so sorry Aaron, but she's gone." He states, moving his telescope away from Y/N's chest.

I let out a heavy sob, shaking my head, "She's dead?" I ask as Dr. Shepherd nods.

"I'm so sorry for your loss, I will leave you alone with her for a little while before we send the workers from the morgue to come get her." He states.

I nod, "Can you get my team from the waiting room?" I ask as Dr. Shepherd nods, exiting the room.

I sit beside Y/N, grabbing her hand - it's cold, her touch more distant than ever. Her skin is pale, all of her veins popping out, showing blue lines across her body.

I look at her, longing, "I never knew this day would come so soon. I don't want you to think that I blame you for leaving, but I will miss you...more and more everyday. I love you, so much from the bottom of my heart. God, this hurts more than I expected." I mumble, kissing her forehead.

I'm interrupted by a knock on the door. I cover Y/N with the white blanketed cloth before walking over, opening the hospital door - revealing the entire team standing in the doorway.

"How is she?" Garcia asks.

I break down into tears at her question, not being able to bare the thought of answering it.

"Oh, Aaron..." Rossi mumbles, pulling me into a hug as I push the door open farther, revealing Y/N lying under the white blanket.

Garcia lets out a heavy sob, shaking her head in disbelief. Emily gasps in shock, running over to go see Y/N. Morgan bites his bottom lip, rolling his eyes as he tries to fight back the tears.

JJ shakes her head, "How did this happen?" She asks.

I shake my head, "She was getting sicker by the minute. She never made it off the table." I explain.

Reid lets out a heavy sob, "I never got to say goodbye." He states, shaking his head.

I pull him into a tight hug, the both of us letting out heavy sobs.

"Did she say anything before she died?" Rossi asks as I pull out of the hug with Reid.

I shake my head, "She left me a letter, but I haven't read it yet." I state.

"Do you need some company?" He asks, gesturing towards the letter in my hand.

I shake my head, "I want to read it alone." I state.

The team nods in understanding, "We'll see you tomorrow." They state, finishing up saying their goodbyes.

Once they all leave the hospital room, I shut the door behind them. I walk over to Y/N's bedside, opening the envelope carefully. I unravel the papers, grasping Y/N's frozen hand as I do. My eyes water as I begin to read,

My loving Aaron, 

If you're reading this, it probably means that I took my last breath. I'm sorry we didn't get to spend that much of our time together, and I'm more sorry that I spent my last few days arguing with you and giving you the silent treatment. Truth is, I was scared, and I was trying to push you away in attempt to make losing me hurt less. I know that was probably a really stupid excuse, but I didn't want you and Jack to hurt too much. I hope the both of you continue to be happy, just like you were before I came along.

I love you, Aaron. You made me the happiest girl on this Earth - that is during the eight months we spent together. I appreciated every second I had with you and you truly are the most perfect man. I love you, so much - so much that it consumes me, my entire soul, my entire body, every thing. If you're looking for the word that means caring about someone beyond all rationality and wanting them to have everything they want, no matter how much it destroys you, it's "love". And when you love someone you don't just stop, ever. Even when people roll their eyes or call you crazy. That is the type of love I have for you. I love you so much it hurts.

I want you to continue being happy, and I want you to fall in love with a girl who makes you happy. I want you to show Jack what true love is - I want him to believe in love. I also want you to keep kicking criminal ass - don't give up your job because "it hurts to bad to work at the same place that my dead girlfriend worked". Also, don't mourn my death - instead, celebrate it. Celebrate the life that I lived and celebrate your life.

Hug your family and keep them close for me, please. If my dad ever comes from out of no where, showing up to my funeral and giving you some bullshit excuse about how much he truly loved me, ignore it. He doesn't mean any of it, he just wants more money for drugs and wants to see what he gets off my will - which is attached by this letter by the way.

Anyways, thank you. Thank you for every single laugh, smile, cry, frozen yogurt trip, meme that you sent me, every single walk on the beach, every single longing night that you waited by my bedside, hoping I would wake up, hoping to get good news. Thank you for having my back and taking me in - taking care of me while I was on bedrest. Thank you for giving me a final bath and brushing my hair - massaging the headaches away and not asking any questions when clumps of hair were falling out. Thank you for building large forts with me and Jack, and for watching Adventure Time with the both of us. I appreciate every single thing you have helped me with.

You always asked me why I only addressed you by your first name, refusing to call you by any nicknames - and honestly, it's because you are the love of my life, and I hated the thought of addressing you by some nickname that Derek gave you and everyone stuck with. I also, always wondered why you never smiled - and I finally figured it out. You see everything and anything in our line of work, piled on top of all of your trauma you go through. Please, Aaron, open up more about that trauma - I don't want you to bottle all that up, especially not after I take my last breath. Please show people the true you - the side of you that you showed me. I love that side of you. But than again, I love every single part of you - every flaw, every smile, every different type of chuckle you have, etc. I love every part of it. Overall, I love you, forever and always. You will always be the love of my life. Even if I didn't admit it as much as I wanted to. Thank you for pulling to the end with me. You truly are an amazing man, Aaron. I'll carry the memory of you with me to the afterlife and I'll be sure to watch after you and Jack. I love you, my love.

Goodbye, Aaron.

Celebrate Life,

Y/N L/N.

I let out a heavy sob as I finish the letter, tears streaming down my cheeks. I wipe my cheeks as I stand up, walking closer to Y/N's bedside.

I let out a soft chuckle, "You truly loved me." I joke, "I know you'd furiously slap my arm in defense right now, but it's okay, I love you too. I'll always love you, Y/N. Rest in paradise, my love. You deserved every ounce of happiness you had in this life, and soon, you'll get even more ounces of happiness that you deserve in the next life. You're out of pain now and that makes me relieved. Please, help me watch over Jack during this time." I mumble.

I stroke her hair carefully, "That's all. I love you, my love." I mumble, leaning over to kiss her.

I grab my coat, "Goodbye. I'll miss you more and more everyday." I state, letting go off her hand, carefully placing it back under the covers.

I turn on my heels, walking out of the hospital room slowly. I carefully shut the door behind me, heading down the hall, entering the elevator.

She's gone. She's truly gone.