soulmates¹ | aaron hotchner. ✓

10 : decisions

••hotch's pov••

Dr. Shepherd exits the hospital room, leaving the door open ajar. He approaches me slowly as I get up.

"The cancer is getting worse." He mumbles.

I shake my head at his words, not believing what I'm hearing, "How? How did this happen?" I ask, my voice shaking.

Dr. Shepherd shakes his head, "We don't know, but what we do know is that the cancer is spreading." He states.

I let out a sigh, looking into the hospital room discreetly. There lies Y/N in the hospital bed, her body cold and pale. Her throat with a vent in it.

"How long does she have now?" I ask, trying to avoid eye contact.

"Five months." He states.

I shake my head in denial, "What do we do from here?" I ask in a low tone.

Dr. Shepherd clutches her chart, "We can discharge her from the hospital, let her live her life during the months she has left. Or we can pump her with all the antibiotics and treatments, and hope for the best." He states.

"What are the side effects of the drugs and treatments?" I ask in a low tone.

Dr. Shepherd nods, gesturing for me to take a seat on the chairs in the hall. I nod, taking a seat beside him.

He opens the chart, "There's a lot. Are you sure you want to proceed with this?" He asks as I nod.

Dr. Shepherd let's out a sharp exhale, "Some of the short term side effects of the cancer include anemia, appetite loss, excessive bleeding and bruising, edema, fatigue, and alopecia." He explains.

"Hair loss?" I ask.

Dr. Shepherd nods, "That's the biggest side effect to chemotherapy - one of the cancer treatments we would be using." He states.

I nod, glancing to the hospital room. Y/N has beautiful hair - it's a creamy, dark brown color that glistens in sunlight. It looks best in braids, but she doesn't know I think that.

I shake my head, "What other side effects are there?" I ask, my tone shaking as I choke on my words.

"Deep Vein Thrombosis..." He begins.

I cut him off, "Blood clots!?" I exclaim.

Dr. Shepherd nods, "She'll be vomiting a lot..." He pauses, "And most the time, it will probably come out as blood - especially since her organs are slowly shutting down."

I shake my head, "I can't believe this." You mumble.

Dr. Shepherd places his hand on my shoulder, "I know this is a lot to take in. We can talk about this more tomorrow if you'd like." He states.

I nod, not wanting to fill my mind with anymore talk about dying. We will find a way for Y/N to beat this, I know we will.

"Thank you." I mumble as Dr. Shepherd nods, getting up and walking away slowly.

I stand up, letting out a sharp exhale. I wipe underneath my eyes, quickly fanning my face with my hands - trying to make the red rims around my eyes disappear before I walk into the hospital room, carefully and quietly closing the door behind me. I sit on the chair at Y/N's bedside, taking her hand into mine. Her hand is cold, her whole body is. It's like she's there, I know she is, but she's not.

I clear my throat, my voice shaky, "I uh- I know your asleep, and you probably can't hear me. Uh-- well maybe you could, if you were awake, but uh you wouldn't be able to respond..." I pause, shaking my head as I let out a small sob, "I'm sorry. I'm really not good at this." I state, resting my forehead in my arms.