"Hello?" "Um, hey?" "Wait, you don't sound like my Aunt Kathy." "Unless I was miraculously converted into a member of the opposite gender and somehow related to whoever is on the other side of this call, then yeah. I'm not your Aunt Kathy." "Oh, shiitake mushrooms." ...
❝i've seen you around here a lot.❞ ❝i know this is the best starbucks around.❞ ❝aren't all starbucks the same?❞ ❝no other starbucks has a girl like you.❞ -- just a pinch of love #3 -- #118 in Humor (3.12.15)
❝hi this is Panda Express, how may I help you?❞ ❝can i have one order of general tso's chicken? hold the chicken, double the vegetables.❞ ❝how in the world is that general tso's chicken?❞ ☂ lowercase intended. story inspired by many others. ☂ -- just a pinch of love #1 -- #339 in humor 1/2/15
❝so my dad says you're the new waitress.❞ ❝yup.❞ ❝what's your name?❞ ❝reema, but everyone calls me reem. who's the guy on the phone?❞ ❝my brother.❞ ❝he's pretty cute.❞ ❝he's pretty taken.❞ -- just a pinch of love #2 -- #400 in Humor (6.17.15) #82 in Humor (3.5.16)
❝ why hello young man, don't you look like the perfect charming to my cinderella. ❞ ❝ i'm not eight i know you're not really a princess. ❞ ❝ oh thank god these slippers are killing me. ❞ -- happily ever after book #1
❝Hello, this is the Starb-❞ ❝HEEELP ME!! PLEASE! THERE'S A MURDERER IN MY HOUSE!❞ ❝OH SHIT, SHIT, SHIT!! WHAT DO I DO?! THIS IS STARBUCKS, NOT FREAKING 911. WAIT, HOLD ON. TRY TO KEEP YOURSELF ALIVE, I'LL CALL 911!! STAY CALM. IT'S GOING TO BE O- ❞ ❝Wait...did you just say Starbucks?❞ ❝Um...yeah?❞ ❝They have a hotlin...
[sequel to teen helpline] ❝Hello, this is the Breakup Helpline, designed and manufactured to cater to your brokenhearted needs. How may I help you?❞ ❝My girlfriend...just cheated on me. With my best friend.❞ ❝Um..uh, hold on...oh, fuck! There's nothing on how to respond to that in these answer sheets!❞ ...
❝Hello there, this is Teen Confessions Helpline, what's the problem? Feel free to confess anything you like and we'll be there to help you every step of the way!❞ ❝I know this is heavy but I've been feeling like I kind of...want to kill myself.❞ When Damien Carson, a depressed lonely teenager, call...
❝Finally, someone answered.❞ "Uhm, you've been calling for the past three minutes. What the heck do you want?" ❝Isn't this the famous 'Love Line'─wait, who is this?❞ "No, it's not, you idiot. Now stop calling." ❝So... you're not looking for a partner?❞ ❝... hello? sigh... she hung up on me.❞ in which he asked for a ho...