Dave x Lampost
Don't ask
Mature
Being just friends might work online. But suppressing your emotions in person is much more difficult. Dirk and Jake are the closest friends... As pen pals, but when there's a plot twist in their lives and they start communicating in person something changes in Dirk's mind.
(Homestuck) Jake and Dirk feel incomplete. So John, Jade, and Dave decide to set them up. But Jade seems to have secondary plans... partial credit for the title to fangirlbxtch. she calls DirkJake Carrotsticks, so that's where that comes from.