Twilight Spoofs - Now I Am New

It is my first day as a vampire.
My boyfriend Edward saved my existence by injecting huge dollops of his venom into my heart when I was on the very cusp of death.
Now, for the first time, the TRUE story of what REALLY happened on that first day, how it wasn't as easy as a certain S. Meyer would have you believe!
See me in all my sparkly wonder, in exactly 2000 words...