It's Wednesday 29 Jumaada al-awal, in the year 1426 A.H. Englishman Edward Alton has arrived in Constantinople, capital of an Islamic Caliphate that unites 2.4 billion subjects in the most powerful nation on Earth. Raised in a remote provincial backwater, the experience could prove overwhelming. But there is a purpose behind Edward's visit. Warning: This story is a rare serious excursion for me, away from humour into much more serious and darker territory.