نَ.

I have a feeling you got everything you wanted, and you’re not wasting time stuck here like me. 
          
          You’re just thinking it’s a small thing that happened, the world ended when it happened to ME. 
          
          -We hug now, Sydney Rose. 

grief really IS a funny little thing. 

You live in my veins. Deep in my fucking core. But my soul is wretched and tired of chasing yours. 

You’ve consumed all my senses.
          My gaze pleads for a glimpse.
          My hands shake in search for you.
          I’m washed with your scent.
          I yearn just to hear your sweet voice that makes my head spin.
          And, fuck, don’t get me started on how much I crave for just a taste.

"وَصِرتُ اَكرهُ مِن كُرهِي لَك البَلدَ."
          -فَقدت نَفسِي. 

"وَلَو كُلِّ العَالم كَان ضِدِّي، اَنا راجِع يَا بِلادي."

surrounded by many, yet i’ve never felt more alone. 
          detached and numb. 
          it all feels dull. 
          looking into your eyes and seeing the hatred. 
          the disappointment. 
          the rage. 
          the disgust. 
          the abandonment. 
          it all stabs you so damn hard in the chest. 
          knocks the breath out of your lungs. 
          makes you shudder. 
          makes you wonder. 
          am i bad?
          have i crossed a line? 
          am i making them feel sick? 
          am i actually that hard to love?

you always tell me that you love me. 
          that you would kill for me. 
          that you fear for me. 
          that you worry about me. 
          but when i need you, you wreck me. 
          when im wretched, you hush me. 
          when im losing myself bit by bit, you push me further away than ever. 
          when i need your lap to cry on. 
          when i need your attention. 
          when i crave your hugs. 
          when i crave a mother. 
          you push me away. 

"You'd kill yourself for recognition.
          Kill yourself to never ever stop."
          -Radiohead

"listen, honey can you feel the difference? your babygirl is a whore." 
          -Nightclubs in heaven