Alexander Cosmos

And so, usually, those who reach out to help me are ignored, as I am unable to respond. 
          
          And I question, am I good enough?
          Nice
          Happy
          Caring
          Friendly
          Talkative
          Interactive
          Accepting
          Tolerable
          Good 
          Good
          Good
          Am I!?
          
          So, why? Aren't I mean? Aren't I too pushy? Don't I make to many sexual comments or jokes? Aren't I uncaring- unsatisfyinguntrustworthyselfishgreedy mean? Aren't I?
          
          Ah, nevermind all that, I'm just ranting of my own life problems here online. Now, before I break down, thank you, if you read through this, or even read over it. I don't deserve people's kindness, or their help. I don't usually accept it, or get it, so it's a first for me, truly, when people try to help. Now, my battery is at 15% so imma just finish this up.
          
          For personal reasons, which aren't really personal, imma be putting this in my Journal book as well. 
          
          And once again, thank you.

It goes much deeper than that, though, as I have spoken up to her about many of my issues. I'll tell you a little of what she's like, though, you probably haven't even read this, have you? Well, recently, I had a mishap with my foot. Stepped on it sideways or something. I couldn't put pressure on it for nearly two weeks. What my mom said, "I know your feet hurt, but mine hurt worse. I have arthritis and you don't see me complaining!" After another three weeks of me complaining, we had my foot checked out. We had it x-rayed, and it turns out that we already knew the problem, my mom just didn't want to believe it because "Not everything you find on the internet is true." I have what is called Extra Navicular Syndrome, in both feet. We found that it was rare for what I am going through to happen to someone as young as me. And that if I don't do something about it now, then it may become extremely worse and I would have to get surgery to remove the extra bones I was born with. It didn't take much to tell surgery was a last resort option.
          
          Anyways, back to the original topic. Why? Even if some of you do end up reading this entire thing, the few that try to contact me about it, saying "I'm here if you need to talk," all it does is make me want to cry and scream, questioning if I am good enough. Questioning if they will stab me in the back like so many have done before.

So, to any of my followers who reads this, or anyone in particular 
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          Y da fuk r u following me? Like, there is no reason you have for following be, besides, maybe, thinking my commentary within books are funny or something. And every time I get a new follower I freak out. It is only when I am acknowledged by a stranger that I freak out about what others think of me. I mean, eventually I forget (within minutes) but really, it gives me severe anxiety within that time that I find out and the time I forget. Why are they following me? What does it mean? Do they like me for my words in books? Or is it from my own, trashy writings, which none have I yet to finish? And I question whether I am good enough for it. It may seem strange to others, but words don't bother me, it's the silent actions that do. The ones I can't read. Normally, I get to know people by their actions, not by their looks, which I now know is a rarity these days. But as an actual person, just talking to another human makes me break down, so I resorted to the internet.
          
          Now, I'm fine being ignored, but when people blatantly try to speak to me for no reason, or ask me to do something if I haven't gotten to know them, then I freak out. Badly.
          
          I have nobody to help me irl, and those I would trust are the ones I love and care for too much to truly tell them on my mind, not only that, but I barely see them as they don't live near me. I don't have the support at home either, in fact, I get pushed down at home as my father, though he loves and cares for me, doesn't really care for my personal life, and my mother, well, she's a different story. So many things at once. For one, she doesn't care, and she thinks I'm lying. There is also the fact that I am a teenager, and she believes that I'm just seeking attention. That it's just a phase that I'll eventually get over. 

Literally, just earlier today, I went shopping with my parents at Home Depot, and we were in the gardening section. We walked in, and there was five, six other people there. But as i looked around, I heard a woman say, as she walked past her husband in the store, "Why are men so attracted to hoe's?" And her husband started cracking up. I think it was an inside joke for them, but it was really funny, because he was holding the gardening tool at the time, and she was smiling.

Thanks

Where tf is your description lmao. Greet the stalkers who find you and enjoy reading that shit!
          
          
          Did I just-

          Hello! Based on some of your stories, I see that you are a Naruto fan! So I was wondering if you would like to join my Miraigakure, my very own and made up Naruto village! You can create as many Naruto OCs as you like by giving them to me in a personal message and I'll put them in my OCs book honoring you! You can also message me a oneshot with your OCs in it and I'll add your oneshots to my Naruto oneshots book! You don't have to do anot of this, but it would be much appreciated! Thx!

I don't think I'll ever use this "Post Message" thing properly, but, (caution, swearing) a HUGE fucking spider just crawled on my arm!! Well, compared to others out there, it wasn't that big, but where I live, it's almost unnatural. So, considering where I live, it was damn big! About the size of an average adults thumb. And we usually only get ones the size of your fingernails and smaller! I was just sitting there when it crawled on me. Do you know how unnatural that feels? I was just like "Bitch, no, imma grab my shit and leave, fuck it!" And now I'm probably not going to enter my bedroom for a few days. Well that's just fine and dandy– and I still need clothes for school.

So, I got a request from my brother to write another Naruto fanfiction, even though he has no knowledge of the one I am already writing, which will probably not be written as much as before bc of school, which is why my brothers timing is very terrible. He didn't specify what kind of story, just that I write one, so I went with an idea I had a few years back, which I adapted to the Naruto verse. Only thing is, I need 2 names for it. 1 has to be "American" or whatever, I'm just going with that cuz that's where I'm growing up, and the other has to be "Japanese" or whatever, just something that would fit in the Naruto verse, please, also, tell me what the name means

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