"Tea should be as bitter as wormwood and as sharp as a double-edged sword."

"Man cannot live on bread alone; he must have peanut butter."

"When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the fire department actually uses water."

"If you want your wife to listen to you, just talk to another woman; she will be all ears."

"I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness."