Ala-Winchester
esta mensagem pode ser ofensiva
I’m afraid. Fuck. This a challenge. But not the challenge I was hoping or expecting. But I love challenges. I really wanted a challenges that bring me hope. I hate it. I hate them. I never wanted to hate someone. But I want to and I feel hate. I always hate me. Now I think I can hate someone else. But this is not so strong. This aint reach to 1% of the hate giving to myself. This isn’t hurt me. This hate just make uncomfortable. When I hate myself I was like going to k*ll myself. It’s so hurt and I can’t tolerate and want to k*ll myself. But I know I won’t. I know this will not stop just by k*lling myself. It’ll repeated again and again as long as I can’t get out. The sad thing is even though I cannot kill myself I like hurting myself because it let me unfocus on the pain in my mind. I like chocking because it make unable to breath and struggle to survive. After that I can relief and kinda away from my problem(myself). I also want to try burning the thighs but I won’t do that because different problem has different symptom.
I hope this will go away. All the heavy feeling I felt since I join here. I hope I will be change to someone I can love and admire. I want to love myself. I want to give the love that anyone never given. Please let me heal myself. Please let me heal the other hurting people. Life is so suck. I don’t know which place is suck. I don’t why people are doing like that or living like that. I don’t why their attitude and behavior effecting on me. I don’t know why I can’t forgive them. Knowing those things is just hurt me.
I want to leave everything behind. One of the best things is I’ve improved my English skill.Look at all this text. I wrote it HaHa.
The one thing is I understand, in my brain only, they are not doing those thing to hurt me and it’s not their fault and It’s not my fault either. I’m hurting from this is not my fault. It’s like things are happen. Sometime people push each other. It’ just a friction It’s nobody fault
