AxlewasNOThere
MatureAdult810
You hanging in there? Don't worry you've got this ideal speaking. It's fine you'll be fine remember though you may not know it now there's lot's you can do you just gotta continue onward and you'll find the answer.
AxlewasNOThere
I'm starting to realize that maybe,
Just maybe,
I may be the issue(• ▽ •;)
AxlewasNOThere
@wishofscreams it's weird cause I can and do stick up for myself I say no very easily and I can turn people down so easily but at the same time I can't. Idk but imma ignore how I feel till it kills me
kissancry
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offensive
@AxlewasNOThere i understand. It took me a while to be able to finally stick up for myself. Its hard but what keeps me in check is that i know i can be selfish for myself at times. If people have a problem with it thats on them if they dont understand your needs. Help when you can not so much that you burn yourself out and stress yourself out. If people cannot accept that you cant or dont want to help them for your own mental health fuck them. This was kind of all over the place. I hope this helps and u understand it
AxlewasNOThere
@wishofscreams ik I get that. I always end up dealing and helping with others problems and Im fine with it it just sucks sometimes when I have my own issues and they don't see that and I don't care enough about myself to turn them down yk? Idk how to explain it and I don't wanna complain but I really am tired of doing all this
Albion944
Seriously what you wrote on bakugo angst and fluff it gave me a taste for reading again thank you very much
AxlewasNOThere
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Ykw I'm so mad
So fucking pissed
I wanna hit someone
I wanna argue
But I don't cause I'm tryna change
So now bc I can't do all that shit I'm sad
I'm depressed
I can't smoke either so that great right?
Fml atp
How are y'all?
GalaxyIceDragon
@Ofelializzi2002 get some boxing gloves and a punching bag and yell out all your issues and anger while playing loud music and just let it all out trust me it will feel good afterwards cause I did the same
AxlewasNOThere
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I'm so sad all the time and I don't know why
Like I'll be perfectly fine and then BAM sadness
Overthinking
Anxiety
All that great shit I know and love oh so much yk?
It's annoying as fuck
AxlewasNOThere
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TW fs
As someone who doesn't cut as a form of self harm a dn ass so one who jokes as a coping mechanism, I'm tired of being disregard as nothing or as fine or "it's not that bad" "it could be worse"
Like tf?
Bitch??
What do I gotta cut deep ass lines in my body and try to off myself every other Tuesday to get fucking help?
Does it not matter untill it's bad enough to actually seem like a problem?
Or is it fine cause I'm technically not inconveniencing anyone?
Like bro what??
But then I actually try to kill myself and it's not enough bc my method of trying wasn't bad enough to send me to a hospital.
"What are you even depressed about"
I'm tired of that shit.
But I'm fine bro it could be worse, isn't that bad, I'll be ok.
Not like I'm a threat right?
Imma kill myself just to be fucking petty at this point, tf?
NFsBurntToast
I’m sorry people are saying this to you. No matter the level of how you feel, they should still comfort and support you. It doesn’t matter if one person is drowning in 8ft water and another in 4ft, you’re both still drowning. I hope things get better for you, I believe you are strong enough to pull through <3
AxlewasNOThere
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So we all know the phrase"the abused become the abusers" right?
Cause I'm low-key scared of that
I saw my nephew crying today and currently am spending time with him cause I remember when I was little no one gave two shits, not even one, when I felt like crap
When I needed help I never got it and eventually learned not to ask for help at all.
But now I'm here and I'm helping him thinking 'damn what if I had help when I needed it?' thinking I'm breaking the cycle but then I remember yelling at them for stupid little things cause I'm emotionally unstable
Like wtf
I'm contradicting myself and I'm gonna hurt them
I'm manipulative as well which is great right?
I'm scared no gonna lie because I don't wanna hurt anyone, especially not them.
And I'm not sure how to deal with certain issues they have cause I can't even deal with my own. I'm trying so hard to be good for them, even just a little but it's hard
Plus idk how to work with a five year old with autism so that makes it more difficult(I'm not trying to be offensive to anyone with autism I'm just struggling and dunno how to word it)
Then again, I have ADHD so I'm probably fine right??
No.
Idk
Fuck
But anyways idk what to do bro
AxlewasNOThere
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Y'know I never had affection as a kid right? And I never got love or any shit like that right?
So why do I always say things along the lines of "I miss when I was a kid and I had love and affection" "I miss when I felt at home and not so scared or jumpy" "I miss not being so lonely" "I wish I could be a kid again so people actually cared"
How tf can I miss something I never even had?
Why tf am I crying over missing something, someone, I never even experienced before?
Jealousy right? I'm not the jealous type.
But I definitely get mad when I think about what I could've had if it weren't for my asshole family.
Or is it my fault?
I don't even know rn.
Who tf cares anyway people suck
Mynameistruck
@Ofelializzi2002 Maybe you say those things bc u wished they were true? It's not weird to cry over something you never had. You could just want it really badly and cry over it bc you know you'll probably never get it. I also think its normal to blame others or yourself for the pain (or sadness) you're experiencing. An advice that I can give you is that anyone who treats or treated like how you described your parents is definitely not worth your tears, so don't cry and get over people who make you feel like this. They're not worth it.
AxlewasNOThere
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I'm low-key starting to get tired of being second best
Tired of being the last resort people opt out to when nothing or no one else works..
Like shit bro I'm a human too, just cause I care doesn't mean I don't have feelings y'know?
Even my family does it, I don't even have one person that I feel ok with y'know? I don't want to be the center of attention, actually I hate attention, but I'd at least like one person y'know?
Just one that genuinely gives a shit
But then again people suck right? Why chase after the real people in normal society when the fake ones in your head on screen or on paper can't run away
Right?
It's not enough anymore tho, not really
Fuck 'starting to get tired' I've been tired
Shit don't change tho
Fuck
AxlewasNOThere
@423160m I hope I can figure this out too But I've only been able to stop myself on occasion, not to often
423160m
@Ofelializzi2002 my family is pretty nice, my friends are pretty fun. but i'm still the second choice no matter what. the only thing that i can suggest is trying to reprimand yourself whenever you find yourself slipping into bullying. think of how you felt in that situation. it helps me try and figure out what others are feeling to make them act the way they do, but i'm sure it would also help a bit with this. i hope you can figure it out
AxlewasNOThere
@i_Person_i that'd probably be better to hear if I didn't feel like this for as long as I can remember XD nah jpjp idc