BananaTaffy309

In shadows deep, my heart takes flight,
          A silent song in darkest night.
          For you, a star, so far above,
          I weave a dream of tender love.
          Each whispered word, a fragile plea,
          Lost in the wind, it cannot be.
          Your eyes, a distant, azure sea,
          Reflecting worlds, but not for me.
          Yet still, I yearn, though hope may fade,
          In this sweet pain, my soul is swayed.
          Unseen, unheard, my love displayed,
          A silent vow, forever made.

Body 
          I stare at the mirror 
          And I have to look a second time 
          Surely I can’t trust my eyes
          Surely I am just seeing lied 
          I notice my face got chubbier 
          I lift up my shirt to look at my belly
          And notice how it went from skinny and slim
          To oversize and thick 
          I think how could I have went from 
          From thin and pretty
          To fat not skinny and un pretty 
          In just two days 
          I then keep sucking in my belly
          Thinking why am I fat 
          And not skinny 
          Why do I have to be overweight 
          So i wear an oversize shirt hoping 
          No one will notice my belly 
          Or the fact I’m tucking it away 
          I change the way I stand 
          Hoping it will make a difference 
          On the view of my body 
          But it always looks the same 
          Im hoping no will think of it the way I do 
          Because the comments will make me go even more insane 

I believed you
          when you said you loved me
          like it meant something real.
          
          But love doesn’t hurt like this,
          not like what you did to me.
          
          Because if you cared,
          you wouldn’t have made me feel
          so easy to break,
          so easy to forget.
          
          And I hate it
          I hate that I still love you
          after everything.
          
          My heart won’t listen
          to what I already know
          
          if you really loved me,
          you wouldn’t have hurt me
          like this.

From curling gray smoke, a hand reaches
          Skeletal fingers stretching, twisting toward me,
          Clawing through shadow, desperate, unrelenting.
          Eyes burn in the void, cold and unblinking,
          Following my every move, hungry for my breath.
          The mist coils like serpents, choking the air,
          Whispers slither along the walls,
          And the hand twists closer,
          Its pale knuckles brushing the edges of my skin,
          Grasping, searching, never letting go.
          Shadows writhe in ashen folds,
          The world bends around the watching eyes,
          And the night hums with a slow, patient hunger.
          Even the faintest light recoils,
          Leaving only the hand and eyes alive,
          A pulse of darkness that reaches,
          Always reaching,
          For me.

28.Always For A Man(new version)
          
          I have been reduced to nothing but skin and bones
          Nerves and tendons
          Ash and smoke
          All because of the sex i was born
          I was given no voice
          No choice
          I cant just say 'stop'
          Or 'fuck off'
          Because they always feel like they have a right to my body
          A right to my mind
          Im not allowed to cause a scene
          Or even scream
          All because of one thing
          My gender being assigned a women and not a man
          A gender that is out of my hands
          Time after time and nothing is too be done
          All because this is 'normal' for women
          Any bits of skin shown is seen as 'asking for it'
          Everything Ive ever done and will ever do is always going to be seen as for a man

24.I Am But A Story To Be Told
          
          I am a word on a page
          One from a story
          Told from every direction
          Different faces have different tales
          All of them include me one way or another
          Some true while others are myths
          No one cares enough to discover which is which
          Making me into a person out of a tale
          Someone cruel and sick
          A bitch and a whore
          Someone unworthy of trust
          Somekne unworthy of love
          All because they believes the tales
          The ones told in stories
          And the ones they see in me

19.I Don't Believe
          
          "Do you believe in god?"
          I don't believe
          I don't need a imaginary being to help me be me
          I don't need a reason for doing good or doing what's right
          I live on my own terms
          I used to say i was religious
          That i believe
          But that was a lie
          I only told others that i had because i was scared i was going to die
          Die a sinner, not a saint
          I was told all my life
          That not believing is the greatest sin of mankind
          But why dose one god get to decide what's worth our suffering?
          I want to live on my own terms
          I don't need a god

31. Flies
          
          Buzz
          Buzz
          I can hear it
          Swiming all around me
          Waiting for me to decay to the point of no return
          Waiting so it can feast on what remains
          Not much if any at all
          I hit
          And blow
          And yell
          But yet i still hear
          Buzz
          Buzz

30. "I Hate That I Still Care"
          
          I hate that-
          I hate how my tears still fall
          I hate how I walk into a room and my eyes immediately find yours
          I hate how I cant seem to forget your birthday
          How i cant seem to let it go
          Just like the memories we made
          I hate that-
          I hate how your unaffected
          I hate how I see it in your eyes
          How they slowly turned into a stranger looking back at me
          I hate that-
          I hate how I can't seem to get the words out
          The words to express my thoughts for you

You inked into my skin
          Your love spredding with color
          But instead of beautiful sizes and shapes
          Its turned ugly and took a godawful shape
          It became one of the worst memories of my life
          Making me infected until I die
          You pierced my skin with a painful needle
          One that was unclean
          One that was rusted with your hatred for me
          Leaving the area forever bright with red and crusted green
          Made it bloody and gory
          Made the once pretty, soft space into a opened wound
          Made it never able to close
          Made it forever needing to be cleaned
          Made me forever unable to forget about the bloody wound you left unpon me
          Your love leaving me with a bloody and infected tattoo