Hey Billie! I love that you're writing. Please keep it up. You've got some grammar issues, but I think you'll work those out as you spend more time in school and practice. One of the best ways to learn punctuation is to spend a lot of time reading professionally published books and paying attention to how those authors do it. Don't get hung up on that stuff though. Just focus on the writing part. You'll learn the grammar as you get older.
One thing that you may want to consider is to slow down and let the reader actually experience the things you're describing. Don't just tell us that you were put in a suitcase. Describe it to us. Tell us how it was dark inside and maybe you were afraid because it was such a small space. Describe the sounds you heard as the suitcase was lifted and moved into the car. Tell us about how you crashed into the inside edges when he threw the suitcase into the car. Give us details like that to make us really feel and understand what happened to you.
It's a great piece of biography. Keep writing. Jamie would be proud.
