Luna Momoki

Wow, I'm . . . really, just kinda not here anymore. . . . I've been on tumblr, and I've kinda been quietly writing, but I'm not HERE here. I . . . don't really know what to say. "Sorry?" "Hey, I'm not dead?" Uhhh, I actually graduated high school last week, and I haven't felt this good about anything in at least six years. So that's good, I guess. 

The My Friendly Neighborhood mail quote, but it's weird things that give me anxiety.
          
          Also, sorry for dropping off the face of the earth for like a month.

! IMPORTANT ! (Half vent?)
          
          I'm getting tempted to just take down all my writing. To put it short and simple, I'm losing motivation to even write at all. None of it feels good enough anymore. Even the things I was embarrassed about I left up just cause I thought someone would enjoy them, but it's just getting to be overwhelming. The embarrassment about most of the things I have finished and the pressure to continue the things I haven't finished. It's too much. I won't take anything down right away because that's kind of just a bother right now, but please say something if, and only if you genuinely want me to leave my work up. I will. 

I just made mac n cheese by myself for the first time!!!! :D

Vent
          
          I'm pretty sure my anxiety and abandonment issues are getting worse. I've begun to start actually squirming if someone starts looking at me for more than maybe 10 seconds. I think I was also whispering, "Don't look at me. Stop looking at me. Please don't look at me," or something like that. I can barely stand to exist around other people anymore. I feel both too young and too old to actually be living. Outside of home, people really do just ignore me. I'm not sure they would notice if I disappeared. If they did, I'm not sure they would care. I've even tried intentionally changing my behavior in some of my classes. Once, I had a panic attack in class, so I put my head down and started crying. I covered my face, but I'm still kind of vocal when I cry.  No one.  Even.  Noticed. No one.       Even.       Cared.

It's currently about 5 in the morning for me. I've been up for an hour and a half feeling like I'm going to throw up. Why is it so much scarier at night?

Changed it up because URAMICHI!

I don't think I actually have friends anymore tbh. I have people who sometimes randomly text me and people whom I'll wave at in the halls, but they aren't my friends. They used to be, I'm sure, but now they're just . . . not. :(

I violently consumed a pomegranate less than 6 hours after we bought it!

Small vent ramble 
          
          
          
          
          
          
          Do you really still think of yourself as my friend? We haven't talked in so long. I tried to talk but I'm scared. I'm sorry. Why don't you talk to me like you used to? Am I annoying? Surely I am. Surely, you just find it exhausting to talk to me. If that's the truth, just tell me. Just tell me, and I'll never speak again. I still care for you more than myself. Tell me to shut up, and I'll never say another word. I promise. 
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          This goes through my mind day after day after day. I want it to stop. I wish my mind didn't think like this. I hate it!