Emmeline

IT'S OUT!
          
          IT'S FINALLY OUT!!!!!
          
          Not me taking nineteen months to write a oneshot, oopsie. But part one is finally out, praise the lord. Part two will be out in an hour, hold onto your fucking hats.

   WEEWOOWEEWOO THIS IS NOT A DRILL    
          
          Good evening, mother truckers. 
          
          I AM UPLOADING THE FINAL TWO CHAPTERS TOMORROW EVENING, AROUND 9:00PM GMT. 
          
          I have managed to get a GRIP and have edited these two so MUCH. I just need to find the rght gifs for the chapter, delete the notes I've made and then I shall upload them and then it's finally DONE!
          
          Thank you all for putting up with me for so long xxxx

Trigger warning: Eating disorders.
          
          ...I swear I have actually written these chapters, I promise. They're both essentially written, aside from a few parts in the last chapter because I keep finding lose threads. But I keep mostly editing them, then wandering off for a few weeks, then coming back to them and finding new problems.
          
          It's 60k between them, which really isn't that much considering I've been writing them for over 18 months. HOWEVER: I have purchased a new laptop so hopefully I can churn them out with a little more encouragement.
          
          But anyway, where have I been? Ahaahahahaha long story, right. So, funny story, when I was 13-19, I had bulimia, which buggered me in many ways: I damaged my heart and brain, two of my better organs, as well as my kidneys and reproductive systems, which aren't so exciting. Anyways, I turn 24 in February and I have had a mild relapse and ended up in a ward for the past two weeks. I'm not going to sit here and give numbers or anything like that. My weight hasn't fluctuated that drastically and even then, that's not what's relevant here. What I will say is that I had an ulcer, which caused a somewhat alarming colour of vomit, which freaked out my landlord, who was drilling something into the flat next door (shoutout Tony). 
          
          It's not the first time that this has happened, but I'd been getting bad with keeping track of eating, recovery takes a while. You can feel fine for months and months, then you catch yourself in the mirror at the wrong angle and BOOM, spiral time. It's not a cheerful nor particularly convenient time for a spiral, but there's not much I can do about that at the moment.
          
          Speaking of reproductive systems: I have noticed that I only ever really update these when I'm having a period. I'm not sure what it is about the breaking down of my endometrium lining, but it gets me in the mode to be productive. Well, crawl into a hole and die, but be creative as well. 
          
          Christmas holidays are coming up, I shall write then x

Ight well it’s now October, my last update here was May (oops)
          
          Alright, I have been working behind the scenes and hopefully I should be finished with the final chapter in the next few weeks. Annoyingly, Wattpad crashed on my iPad and my poor laptop is buggered so I can’t log in there either. I have been writing random bits in my notes p and I’m going to try and copy and paste them in to there. Lord knows how I’m going to do the editing and that will take a while. I know better than to say “hEy it’ll be uploaded tomorrow!!!”
          
          Anyways, long time no see! Here’s a condensed version of what I’ve been up to in the last few months:
          -I did summer school with the new year sevens and they’re all very cute- they don’t swear yet (in front of me anyway) and ask NICE questions like “please may I borrow a ruler, Miss?” rather than “Oi Miss, you’re a lezzer, right? Who’s more fit, Miss (-) or Miss (-)?” The answer is yes you may and neither of them, they’re both fifty year old straight married women, Jacob.
          -Did pride again this year, carried the trans flag through town and met La Voix who is now on Strictly, what fun
          -Yesterday would have been my ten year anniversary with my ex girlfriend (if you’re new here, hi: I had an absolutely horrific breakdown which resulted in several unwanted addictions, a plethora of mental health problems and some deep routed trust issues but it’s all good now, worked it out) and I celebrated with a dominoes and a cheeky little mirror spell.
          
          Anyways, other than that it’s been all good in the hood, let me stop getting distracted and actually write this shebang.

Ignore the random notifications: I'm doing something productive while I take a little break from writing the finale for my one shot book and spell checking random chapters. Once I've finished, I'll go through some of my other works, including "The Chosen One", which I wrote eleven years ago without any sort of spell check software or, apparently, a working brain. 
          
          I have written 3k on the final chapter today, with the part one I have it essentially written other than one paragraph, but I want to finish the second part before I go and revise it just in case there's anything I want to add. At the moment, it looks like it was written by an AI (it was not, I love to write it's just a thing of getting motivated) so I need to blur that out and add a little flavour.
          
          Half term finishes in two days, so I have a little time before I have to get back to work for the dreaded final term. Shoutout to my year elevens doing their GCSEs, the new year sevens coming up for their taster days and to all the lovely staff doing sports day this year. That also includes me btw, they're making me a football referee and I know absolutely nothing about football, other than if it goes over the white lines that means I can run away and kick it back. Also, summer school is going on, I'm doing my science thing and then I'm volunteering at pride so that my students know that being queer is cool.
          
          Also someone remind me to change my bio to something that isn't so easily traced back to me, I know a few of my students are Harry Potter nerds and I would like to remain anonymous.
          
          Lots of love, 
          Bo Jangle xxx

Not me procrastinating for sIX MONTHS for writing the finale for my one shot series oopsy.
          
          Look, I can't sit here and honestly say that I'll sit down and write it now, but I'm at LEAST going to open it and read through it. I'll get my good clickety clack keyboard out of the cupboard, make myself a teapot and attempt to get a grip. At least it's half term, I have a few days where I have literally no excuse.
          
          (I'd love to sit here and blame the ADHD but I don't want to let the ND community down by blaming my blatantly lazy work practises on the wiring of my brain. I procrastinated through the entire education system, several knitting projects and have been lying down in bed all day (it's currently 5:30pm). Respectfully, I need to get a grip.
          
          Lots of love, 
          Cazza Bo Jangles xxx 
          
          Announce this to my followers? Yeah, why not, I feel like this is an important thing they should know. Hey guys, plot twist of the fucking year but: I'm a lazy bitch.

Ight update: they cancelled my surgery because they don't like to operate on 23 year olds (but they're fine with 23 year olds having a heart problem for over a decade when they've got a family history of family members dying of the condition I have and that the surgery would fix, I see your logic). So that two week break I was planning on having to write the final two chapters has been delayed. But I am still writing it, I promise! It's the last day of term tomorrow before a two week break so I have no excuses.

Tea: I was due to get a pacemaker when I turned thirty because (spoilers) I have heart block, which is actually not something you want to have: every so often my heart just? Forgets to beat? So I faint and it's become a bit of a problem over the last ten years. But I had an ambulatory heart monitor for a few weeks in Octoberish and spoke to my cardiologist about the results and he said that my sinus node is essentially buggered and won't last until I'm thirty  so I'm due to get it in April/ May of this year.
          
          Am I nervous? Honestly, no. It's not my first surgery and after a decade of cardiac nonsense, I'm just happy that something is finally being done. Although I hadn't reckoned I'd be getting a pacemaker at 23 (it's my birthday on the 9th of February). It's a fairly simple surgery at the end of the day and the healing time is one week until I'm feeling better and eight weeks until it's properly healed, so not the worst I've had.
          
          Either way, I get a week off work for it so I'm hoping it's not during the April half term otherwise I will be royally pissed. Also, at least I will have absolutely no excuse as to why my sickfic HP fanfiction isn't completed by the end of May (it's in the works but has been in the works since June so that means nothing).
          
          Worst comes to the worst, when people ask why I have a scar on my left tit, I will be able to say that I'm a bitch with a backstory.

hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh what do you MEAN I have to write the shite I said I was going to write >>>>>:( 
          
          No but I am enjoying it when I do it, it's nice to cram as many obscure words in as possible: if you read my fanfiction yOU've got to put some work in too: I want you to read it, get confused, go learn what acquiesce means then come back with some knowledge in your brains, I'm not just here to spoonfed you fluff. You do not coME HERE to be comfortable, I'm trying to fix your brain rot little heads. Do you think I sit here and go "la dee da dee da type type type bing bang bong"- nO!! I'm sat here with a LITERAL thesaurus oN MY LAP so that you are getting your education while reading my silly little fanfics instead of doing your homework.  I did my bit, now it's your turn to put the effort in! If I'm doing my word of the day well guess what bitch, so are yOU! Here's one! Defenestration (to chuck something out of a window). Here's another! Vellichor (to be in love with/ entranced by a bookshop or library). A THIRD! Susurrus (a whispering, rustling sound) because we LOVE Onomatopoeia and SPECIFICALLY sibilance! 
          
          POV: you're a ✨teaching assistant✨ who has the kind of Autism where you collect interesting words in the TikTok brainrot era.

HNnNNnnNnggGGGgG I've got my yearly PCOS period and I'm very grumpy. Partly due to hormones and partly because I bled over my new white bedding, which I then had to change while I had cramps and lower back pain from hell. In short: not in a good mood. 
          
          I have released the Snape chapter though, and am FINALLY working on the penultimate chapter. I have the plan laid out, now it's just time to fill it in. If I don't see you before, have a happy new year!