So basically, I'm like Batman but a little bit cooler. I'm not rich but I'm not poor and I fight crime with my trusty side-kick who just happens to be an overweight cat named Chuck. We ride around on my two wheeler because I'm interested in keeping my girlish figure and also because I don't have a driver's license and am also too poor to afford a vehicle in any form or shape. 
That being said, my current secret cave just happens to be located in my bedroom, where you will find me surfing the pages of TheSmokingGun, laughing at funny mugshots and guffawing at stupid crimes committed by the criminals that I may or may not have apprehended. 
Let this also be a warning for those of you who are criminals that I am out there and I am ready to deliver some well needed justice! If you need me to arrest you, please send a private message entailing the crime(s) that you have committed and your location.
Thank you very much, and thank you for choosing me for your well deserved kick back into reality.
Please have a good day.