On a sight called Fanfiction I received a few reviews about my story: Zoid Heart
dragonnargus chapter 24
The other reviewers are right, this chapter is confusing with constant perspective changes. This chapter also feel disconnected from the last chapter. I seem unlikely that the commands would want to be rid of their most reliable and most powerful allies just to see what make it tick.
C.B. Magique chapter 24
I went past this story several times because the summary reads like one of those "I end up in X fandom world, now watch me go on random adventures and annoy main characters" stories that I hate but when I started to read it was so much more complex and interesting than I expected. However, in these latest chapters the perspective changes are really poorly handled, especially chapter 24. There's zero indication or context to help me out and it's really, really confusing to read. I was also disapppointed in the resolution between Chicago Fire mission and the latest chapter. It was also a very confusing read because I could tell that something Very Big And Important happened but it wasn't shown and what you tried to tell gave a vague impression. This is especially weird since that event would have been part of Orion's intro to the story and it's bizarre to see this character come out of literally nowhere at the beginning of the chapter. I hope you expand on that event in a future chapter. Maybe as a flashback?
I understood and appreciated them telling me to my face. I THRIVE OFF OF YOUR INPUT. Not just for this story, but generally fanfictions are a sort of.. practice run for me. They help me hone my story telling skills so that my own original fiction won't be... blech. So when you guys tell me I'm being confusing and unclear, I take that as a sign that I need to improve. So, I will be taking down chapter 24 and redoing the Chicago chapters as soon as I can replace them.
