Devil-may-care

If you're reading this right now, i want you to know that i love every thing about us. You're so close yet so far to me, i can't hold you anymore because you already left. Its been a weeks since i got a nice sleep, im exhausted about everything around me. There are people and things thats bothering me but i can't say anything about it, i can't cry or get angry about it. I'm not like the person i used to before, i was childish and annoyingly happy about every single little things. I've troubled bringing back the confidence that i had before, and i know it will take so many days or maybe months to be that person again. 
          
          I want you to know that you need to take care of yourself. Be happy, healthy and strong. i know there's already someone gonna remind you that. its very hard for me, knowing that you're someone else's. I can't take it, you know it kills me but if that what makes you happy, then i'll accept it. My love for you will never vanish into thin air that wont happen. Lastly if you don't love me anymore you can delete my picture in your instagram. It will be hard for me to know that but if you really dont love me anymore, ill take all of the pain.  
          
          This might be the last one, ill ever post here.  

My first love. 

3:27 AM and i'm still wide awake again. My heart is pounding/beating fast, i'm holding back the tears. I can't cry or scream to ease the pain. Silence is killing me, i can't even breathe normally. Is this because of anxiety? Or lack of sleep? I don't know really. I wish this will end soon, because i can't handle it any more. 
          
          I've been wondering do you ever miss me? Think of me? Of how am i doing these days? I know i sound or look pathetic but i just wanna know. There's so many unsaid thoughts running in my head. I can't say it nor post it on any social apps. I don't know what happened to me, the other day i was fine but it keeps coming back to me. 
          
          I've disappointed you, hurt you and also people around me. I got my finger on self-destruct everytime my emotional state takes over me. I'm sorry and i know, im too late. 
          
          I won't even try to deny that i miss you, i do actually every second of my existence but i have to set my limits. I don't even have the right to greet you every morning, to tell you that you must eat and drink, lastly to tell you at random times that ... i love you. 
          
          It's so hard for me to understand and accept everything, i've fought so much that in the end i still lose. I've lost my strenght to carry on. It will take so much time to regain my energy to walk again and to continue my journey. 
          
          

2:58 AM still can't sleep my mind's wondering how the hell am i still here in the corner of my room crying. Hearing my own heart beat was never a good sign. My heart aches so much that i wish i was better off dead. Why do i keep crying, i keep feeling the pain inside my chest. 
          
          At this point, how can i help myself? I can't stop my tears from falling. I can't stop my mind from thinking. I'm already drowning. Everything keeps repeating in my head like its on a loop.
          
          I've disappointed many people around me. I don't deserve this life, there's so many people lost their love ones, why not take me? Im far more deserving to die and buried deep into ground. 
          

I still love you. 

Hi 

 hii. 

Hiii

:)

hai , pakifollow mo naman ako , pls :)