Simple Facts:

-Call me Topher and you're a dead man.. or woman. Unless we're close friends then I can make an exception
-Has Anglomania and Clinomania
-Chocoholic
-Will Die Like A Brit

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I am at the lying institute for compulsive liars taking a refresher course in advanced lying. 
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Sarcasm:
Just One Of The Many Services I Offer
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I'll Never Be Impressed With Technology Until I Can Download Food
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I hate Monday's so if Monday had a face, I'd punch it
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Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth
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People say no offense just before and/or after they offend you. 
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When I die, I want my last words to be "I left a million dollars in the..."
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I'll never suffer from insanity. I'll enjoy every little bit of it
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"Eww What's that?!?"

~Don't talk about yourself like that!! I know your confidence level isn't very strong, but don't bring yourself down even worse

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If your boyfriend's only after breasts, legs and thighs then send him to KFC and be with me :P jk

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You know how you can smack something to get it to work? I wish I could do that with people

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Last but not the least,

I don't have a type. If I like you, I just do. And if I do like you, you better be thankful because I pretty much hate the world