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@Ghost_of_Lady_Umber I KNOW AND I FUCKING WISH I WOULD HAVE KNOWN SOONER AND WHAT FUCKS WITH MY MIND IS THAT I CANT DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT
idk I tried to write him a few times now but I fear that I would just fuck shit up even more
and yes I am crying while writing this and yes I feel so fucking bad like I want him to be okay and I want him to feel happy and I want him to have good friends and I want him to actually feel like he deserves the world because he somehow doesnt feel that way even if i dont know hoe thats possible bc hes perfect and I am scared and I want him to be fine and at the same time, yes I am being super selfish bc I kinda wish that I'd have the guts to do something like that and yes I hate myself for it and yes I want him to be fucking OKAY and yes I wish i wouldve been there and yes he doesnt deserve that and I wish it wouldve been me then he never had to suffer and I AM FUCKING SCARED I HATE THIS