Shade

I’m so worried

On hiatus to prevent an online suicide. I believe that’s more worth my time than writing shit about myself

i hate geometry hrns

By the way I’m trans chat. Just so you know and don’t freak when I pull up wearing a binder.

All I want is nothing more
          To hear you knocking at my door
          'Cause if I could see your face once more
          I could die as a happy man I'm sure
          When you said your last goodbye
          I died a little bit inside
          I lay in tears in bed all night
          Alone without you by my side
          But if you loved me
          Why did you leave me
          Take my body
          Take my body
          All I want is
          All I need is
          To find somebody
          I'll find somebody
          Ooh oh
          Ooh oh
          Ooh oh
          Ooh oh
          'Cause you brought out the best of me
          A part of me I'd never seen
          You took my soul wiped it clean
          Our love was made for movie screens
          But if you loved me
          Why did you leave me
          Take my body
          Take my body
          All I want is
          All I need is
          To find somebody
          I'll find somebody
          Ooh oh
          Ooh oh
          Ooh oh
          Ooh oh
          Ooh ah
          Ooh oh
          Ooh, if you loved me
          Why did you leave me
          Take my body
          Take my body
          All I want is
          All I need is
          To find somebody
          I'll find somebody
          Like you, ooh

sometimes I lay awake at night and I just think about everything I’ve done and how much I have left to do and I think, “when does it end” because really I’d like for it to end, for things to slow down. But at the same time I don’t want things to end, I just want something stable. I think I used to look for that in relationships, since everyone described them as wonderful things that are meant to last, but it’s not what I wanted. I wanted something rock solid, not something that always changes. It turns out I was never looking in the right place. The feeling of ice cold water slipping down your throat in the middle of the night never changes. The way the sun rises each morning never changes. Every time you fall asleep and are free to relax, it never changes. These are small, silly things. But they’re always the same. You can always count on it, even if you can’t count on someone…yet. Where I was once looking for something in a partner I found it in daily routines, and even my best friend. So instead of laying awake and wishing life changed, or was better, now I lay awake and think “wow. I made it to the other side.” So for anyone who doubts that they can make it to the other side, that it doesn’t exist, or that it’s not worth it, it is. It so very much is. And I’d do it all over again to keep this feeling.

you should make balloons and medication into a book

Pick up line of the day: “Do you believe in love at first sight or do I gotta walk by again”

Pick up line of the day: “let my clarinet drum your tuba girl” 
          
          Courtesy to the instrument players.

women scare me.