Esmi❤️

It’s officially a year without you Liam. I can’t believe it’s been a whole year since you left us. I still remember how I woke up at 6 in the morning and went for a smoke and opened TikTok to the horrible news. I remember how I cried. Sobbed even. I couldn’t believe it and even now it’s hard. I remember when I first heard of your music. I was maybe 10 or 9.  I was with my cousins at the time and we watched this music channel and your song “Strip that down” was playing. It became my favourite even though my English wasn’t good at the time. My cousin who is English asked do I even know what the song is about. I shook my head no,because I didn’t care. And only about 4 years ago I started fangirling about One Direction and I came across it again and I couldn’t believe it that you were the singer that used to sing my favourite song ❤️ Rest well,Payno. We love you❤️

YALL LOUIS’ NEW SONG “LEMONADE” IS SO GOOD I CANT STOP LISTENING TO IT! GO STREAM LEMONADE! 

Happy birthday to me. I’m finally 18 and I couldn’t be happier. And also happy birthday to my best friend,Diana who’s turning 21 today!❤️

heeyyyyyy queen tysm for the follow <33

10 months without you,Liam. I still can’t believe it. I still hope it isn’t real. I still hope that you just wanted a break from social media. That you faked your own death. But I know it isn’t true. I have never met you or talked to you. Or even been to your concerts. But I still feel like I’m missing a part of me. It hasn’t been the same and probably won’t ever be again. We miss you. The fans and the boys. Wherever you are…Rest well,Payno❤️

I was casually reading "Sexual Exploration" by @Haydenpumpkinchan (great book btw. You should read it. Rn! I think it is my reading list "rereading".) I scrolled to chapter 43 just to see it was fucking 70 minutes long! (Which I'm not complaining about) I have read this book before but I forgot this chapter existed.

Ugh I miss Larry stylinson sm, ur pfp sent me back :c ♡ good nostalgia 

I’m on the third chapter of Young & Beautiful. And I really dislike Louis. He’s so bitchy for no reason. Like bro wtf? I get that there might be a reason behind it but come on. Also side note I love sassy and obnoxious Louis but this: no. 

Okay I just read “Hoping This Cold Blue Water Scrubs Me Clean and Spits Me Out Again” and I hate everything including myself. Crying my eyes out currently. Fuck you to whoever recommended this to me. I hope both sides of your pillow are warm for here on out.

Just read Flightless Bird and it altered my brain forever. I loved it and hated it at the same time. It’s written so well. Some scenes made me laugh,some ‘aww’,some cry,some angered me and some felt sick to my stomach. Truly an amazing book.