call me moon

....you still there?

Hey child are you still alive? 

You know when people tell you to avoid something you know is bad for you. But as soon as it comes to anxiety or depression people tell you to push on. As if I haven't done that for a majority of my life and sometimes you just get to a point where you look st the things you enjoyed and it just begins to die. Like the frost of a final winter but this time there will be no spring to follow. Only more ice and snow.
          So with that a you feel yourself lapsing back into that kind of mindset of self loathing and bottled emotions till there is that disgusting feeling of bile at the back of your mouth. And the idea of having to do anything is so outragious and nerve racking you just want to cry but it can never be in front if people. 
          How cruel of the world to allow us to feel that way, whether by some god of path that brings us to that point if life we must carry on. 
          How cruel.
          Have a good day for those who still pay attention to the thing which was once my world
          

People are always too busy to just stop and tell somebody else how much they're appreciated. I am one of those people, but I decided to do something about it.
          
          ❤I appreciate you❤ 
          
          
          
          Disclaimer: This is NOT one of those chain thingies. I made it up all by myself, but hey, if you want to spread the love, I'm not gonna stop you ;) <3

@FaustusXD hi

((Happy New Years!

It's weird having my family actually remember my birthday for once although not surprised other people forgot XD they always mix up today with the 18th or 19th

*poke*

{meant to be read like spoken poetry almost}
          
          I should be asleep. I should be writing more and doing something with my time. I should be focusing on my goals like I used to. I shouldn't care about what they say but what they think keeps bouncing around my mind. I feel like I'm sufficating everytime I breath despite my lungs filling with oxygen. Like the words I keep bottled up are setting fire to my insides burning me. I can't think straight and my therapy appointments have become 'lets talk about anything but what's bothering me' because I feel I am disappointing them when I want to scream. What am I supposed to say "oh hey, I've been feeling depressed lately and my anxiety is making it harder for me to function it's getting worse". I can't walk in and answer his "how's your week been" when I want to say it's been terrible but I can't pinpoint why. Why can't I just deal with this, I was doing fine and now I'm plummeting. It's not empry it's all too real and I'm starting to wish for thw numbness back again. I don't want to feel and I have that I've learned that I'm emotional. Maybe that's my anxiety because every little thing is setting me off like fireworks but the big things make me feel nothing. Maybe I've held onto things that have hurt me too long that they stop meaning anything to me, that the things I think don't bother me may be my real problem. I'm sorry that I am even writing this and taking up the time of those reading it, maybe it's just a 2 am thought but I haven't been able to sleep lately either. My mind is hesterical but all too calm all at once and I don't feel like I used to. I guess it's just a late thought

been a fucking long azz tiem since we talked faustus xD