Andy Calsteighner

Hello
          Namaste 

Thanks for reading! It means a lot to me. And following! I hope you enjoyed! 

Thanks for reading my ridiculousness, Andy! And thanks for voting. Hope you’ll continue to enjoy. Cheers! 

Hi Andy, thank you very much for reading and voting on my novel Scholars and Gentlemen, I hope that you found it interesting and entertaining and that it did not strain your patience too much. The sequel, System Reset, is more obviously scifi/fantasy and should be easier to read. 
          
          I am rather concerned that you have taken your own work off Wattpad. I hope that this is not a result of my comments on your writing. Have in mind that I belong to a different generation from you with different expectations about what constitutes good writing and what I like may not sit easily with the current literary zeitgeist, especially the fashion for writing in the first person singular which is pretty universal in the most of the novels I have read on Wattpad. It is very important for you to leave your writing exposed to  comment from Wattpad readers of your own generation and if you are getting a favourable response from them, that is the route you should be going down. So press on with your work and don't  take old fogies like me too seriously.
          
          Best wishes
          
          John Illsley.
          

 The second problem arises from you literary style. At first I thought that the dialogue, vocabulary and syntax given to Karadrik was intended to convey an alien form of speech, but the same oddness of syntax continues for both characters so I wonder if there is another explanation. It looks at times like what comes out if you put French through a Google translator. I notice that you are from Montreal and may therefore be Quebecoise for whom English is a second language. If you are thinking in French and writing in English that might explain the unusual vocabulary and syntax. One solution to this problem might be to write your drafts on a conventional word processor using a spelling and syntax check. Then cut and paste your text into Wattpad when you are satisfied with it. I think you are very brave and ambitious to attempt this story but it does need more work and it would be better, in my view, if it was written in the conventional literary format of the third person which would allow you to stand back from your characters and manipulate them more convincingly. Creating a credible alien society is very difficult, especially when you are relying primarily on descriptive dialogue rather than descriptive narrative. Writing well in the first person is incredibly difficult to do. I would not dare to attempt it myself. If you want to read a very accomplished example of alien sci fi you might like to look at the Helliconia Trilogy by Brian Aldiss, start with Helliconia Spring. Please don't be discouraged by anything that I have said. Have in mind that I spent a lifetime taking apart undergraduate history essays. The habits of the red pen die hard! Press on with your writing and strive to improve it. 
          
          Best wishes, John Illsley.

Hi Andy. I have now read your novella The Expulsion twice. The first time I found it confusing, or confused. The second time I made more sense of it but I have not voted for it because I think you still have a lot of work to do before it becomes acceptable, at least to me. The story itself is potentially interesting and certainly held my attention in so far as I wanted to find out what happens next, which is crucial to good storytelling. However the execution of the story raises a number of problems. Firstly, your use of the first person singular narrative dialogue for both of the principal protagonists (Ivy and Karadrik) limits your authorial omniscience so that it is harder for you to place your characters in a contextual environment. In the end the reader learns very little about the what, when and why of their story. I  would prefer to see third person dialogue with more space devoted to explaining what exactly is happening on Earth and Calsteighner. Who is Jaeguen? Why is his presence toxic to both planets? What is the relevance of the opening chapter? When does all of this take place? You speak of a remote era which is presumably in the future since you also take for granted interstellar travel and even intergalactic travel, but Ivy seems to have a 21st century mindset and there are references to 21st century Earth characters, artefacts and institutions; the CIA, David Becham and the AK47 stand out. There are also a number of loose ends and characters and events which just pop out of nowhere. For example when Ivy is rescued there is no explanation of how, or where the ship has come from. Too much is left to the reader to supply with too little substance to sustain the imagination.  Good sci fi, more than any other literary genre, needs a willing suspension of disbelief and that depends on the author giving the reader sufficient convincing detail to accept the fictional premise of the story.
          
          Continued in next post.
          

Thank you for reading and voting for System Reset. I hope that you found it interesting. If you are now reading Scholars and Gentlemen you will find it to be a very different genre of novel though it does lead eventually into being a prequel to System Reset, transitioning from being a campus farce to being serious sci fi. Good luck; it is a big book which may make demands on your patience.

Hola, mate¡
          Let's assume i copied and remixed Spanish Aussie

Hello! Thank you for the votes on Before You Wake. I’m glad you are enjoying it so far ❤️

Hi Andy! Thank you so much for checking out Tempris and for the votes! I'm glad you're enjoying the story. :)