Grumpy Writer was born before there were such things as televisions, electricity or the written word.

He attended an all-girl comprehensive school (until he failed the medical) and was once the richest person in the known universe.
GW currently lives on a small asparagus plantation in Fiji with his two cats and an invisible ostrich called Gerald. Gerald is particularly partial to asparagus, therefore, David is still to realise his second fortune...

Well, the bit about the cats is true!

In truth, GW used to be a professional illusionist - yes, floating rabbits and pulling women out of a hat - or something like that. When that career vanished, he moved into publishing for a few years before donning a tie and entering the corporate world, still performing, as the trainer for one of the world's largest Internet gaming companies.

Throughout the years he has always written. Apart from the boring stuff that makes him money - copywriting and editing for different agencies and clients - GW has a number of unpublished children's novels under his belt and a plethora of unfinished novels across various genres that  range from a brief outline about cyber-crime to a hilarious internet rom-com that he abandoned after about 27,000 words.

Whilst always wanting to write 'that big novel', he admits that what he does best (apart from making excellent spicy cheese meatballs) is children's comedy and nonsense poetry. Although there is a more adult offering in the pipeline...

One reader once described his writing as "Dr Seuss meets Lewis Carroll, with a touch of Roald Dahl". So, be prepared for "Charlie and the Cheshire Cat in a Hat'