Back in the US and the first thing I hear is that my best friend had a brain aneurysm he had a fucking sixty percent chance of surviving and he was the forty percent I would literally give anything to have him back I already relapsed this month and I don't know if I am going to be able to come back from this I feel like I'm always struck with tragedy I just want everything to stop I just feel empty and I can't get rid of this feeling I can't even leave my room because I see him everywhere and fuck I just wish I could disappear or die or something I hate this so much everyone ends up leaving and when I chose to let someone in it comes back and bites me in the ass