Illovesstars

Guys im saved, cause like I STARVED for the past week and now im just eating dinner normal then vomiting and its working like magic. Holiday weight gain? I think not! MUAhahahaahahahahahahahah. FUCK YOU CHRISTMAS! JK I love christmas. Maybe I just hate eating christmas food? Food in general though. Lmaooooo. FUCKKCKCKCKC YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhh!

Food makes me feel a sense of impending doom ngl. Like it scares me and makes me angry.. Like I am physically scared of it. It makes me feel like i'm going down a roller coaster like i get butterflys? Its weird. It makes me pretty pissed though lol.

Vents below do not read if you no want venthehehehehehehehehehehe.

UPDATE AGAIN also vent: So like I'm trying to body positive and shit. But I can't cause it makes me feel like shittttt... I just feel so fUCKING happy when I lose weight like its such a nice feeling like y'all don't even get ittt... Like I used to weigh like 58-60 kg but now I weigh like 50 or 49 (IN A MONTH LIKE WHAT) and IM SO HAPPY LIKE WHAT other than the fact that I lost my period... That kinda scares me lmao. But whatever, I don't really plan on having children. my E/D is like kinda the only reason i'm like kinda happy right now (except for when i vomit lmao)  I don't like december cause its the holidays and like we have to eat and shit AND MAN I DON'T FUCKING wanna do thatttt liekekeiofibruidsoi........UGH...Eating is like the little piece of doom in my life, I wish I could just stop eating for like 2 weeks.. I would be so happpyyyyyyy... But also pretty tired lmao... I can't wait to eat penut butter without hating myself heheheheheheheheheh ...UHHHHH yeah a lot of random shit going on in my life.. Oh yeah my mom also took away my glue gun so i can't s/h anymore...I knoooww saddd... Maybe good? Sad for me... I had to like black mail her into thinking it wasn't s/h lmao.. hehehehehehehheeh how cute of me.. HOLY LESBIAN I love this one girl on my softball team... shes so fine...I WANTS HER... I NEEDS HER. I liike only think of her... and my other crush sighhhh. I'm so corny...eheheheeheh IM SO BORED WITHOUT HERrrrr... I NEED softball season to start mannnn.... I made a whole playlist for her IM SO FUCKING CORNY HOLY SHIITITITITTITITITITITITIIT. GUys gives me tips on how to pull women as woman....plsslslslslslsls wait no one follows me though shiiittttititi woops... I'm like talking to no one right now lmoaoaoaoaoaooaoaoa. Isn't that cute.. .Yk im like venting to myself lol. isnt that cute... Honestly its nice to just talk to all my 3 followers... I should prop put a warning on this though waiittt.... DONENENNENENENENENENEN. Oh shit im almost at the limit i gt

Update : It got worse like a lot worse lmao. I have been forcing myself to vomit. And I have been fainting. I don't eat and I don't drink. Gum is like the only thing I've ate. I get so fucking pissed off when people try to feed me OMG WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME!!... I JUST WANT TO BE FUCKING SKINNY... I fucking hate my body. I'm a fat bitch.

Guys this is a vent...So uh If you don't wanna read it just scroll away. HEHEHHE. 
          
          
          I Just wanted to get this off my chest. 
          I really wanna tell my mom I might have an e/d. I haven't ate properly since school started. I really wanna stop. But its really freaking hard to stop....UGHH . I lost like 10 pounds last week. And plus I work out. So i'm really tired all the time. And I'm always thinking about food. I feel so freaking fat every time I eat bro... 
          
          I feel like if I told anyone they wouldn't belive me cause I'm not super skinny. I'm just average.
          
           I really should tell my mom this but I don't want her to feel bad for me of like look at me diffrently.  I feel like I could tell one of my friends. But I can't since I don't want them pitying me. THERES SO MUCH PPL I COULD TELL BUT I CAN't.. 
          
          I don't know what I should do. Ig if you have advice pls tell me. thanks... 
          
          (sorry for this being so poorly written)

Wassup lover of gay sh!t