Hello World! When was the last time you sat down to read a good story? Probably not in a long time because your couch has an ass indent in it and the Netflix button on your Roku remote is no longer legible. You've hit that button so many times the image wore off. Your TV controls the entertainment in your household, and your ass follows suit. 

But no worries! I'm writing stories for everyone out there, just like me! The fat people who want to watch TV and call in sick to work because the new season of Stranger Things just dropped, and I need to see what happens in Hawkins, and I don't care how many co-workers I piss off to see it!  

I'm talking about stories that glue your eyes to a page, the way Jane Fonda glued your Dad's eyes to a magazine in a truck stop bathroom! Stories that make you question! Not to question whether or not you should get a sex change and tell people to refer to you as "zir," or question the teachings of the YouTube prophet, Alex Jones. -- We get it, Alex, you got one right; the frogs were gay. No! These stories make you imagine what the Pineapple Express intended for your brain without even having to partake in the peace pipe ritual! 

Welcome to my page one and all! This monologue is not to offend anyone but to give a chuckle. I'm offering you free, delicious candy here! But no, not from the back of my van, from right here on Wattpad where you can enjoy this content for hours on end without making your TV work so hard to prevent you from falling into the depths of depression that come unwanted in the benefits package with your dead-end job! 

Now read, you filthy animals!