˙⋆Jan⋆.𐙚 ̊

POV :
          
          Why do I keep repeating it even when they said it is forbidden?
          
          I keep visiting his memories even when the
          paths are said to be forbidden.
          I keep seeing him in my dreams even when the
          illusions are said to be forbidden.
          I keep spilling my tears for him even when the
          emotions are said to be forbidden.
          I still keep loving him even when the
          feelings are said to be forbidden.
          
          Is it his fault or mine when all we yearned
          for was to be together?
          Why is it only called a sin when
          it comes to love of the same kind?
          They started blaming whatever I learned
          only to neglect that I was falling like a feather.
          Tell me, is it his fault or mine
          when it is love that kept us both blind?
          
          This distance is what everyone demanded
          and what they preached would be the “cure.”
          But what is the point when I'm abandoned
          by the home that was warm and only pure?
          What is the point when the only thing that landed
          was pain and the weight of his memories for me to endure?
          
          But hey, I'm alive and that's what matters, right?
          Because no one cares if I'm fine or not.
          My heart and soul are longing for light
          in the form of those doe eyes, and I miss him a lot.
          It feels like waiting for a train that
          I'm restricted to enter but hoping to be able to file a motion to vacate.
          
          No matter the miles that are in between us,
          my thoughts always end up on him like the waves return to the sea.
          No matter the hate that's been thrown,
          I'll always end up at his feet like moths to the light.
          No matter how many holy books called us a fall from grace,
          if at the end of the day it's him I return to, then let me never get redemption.
          
          ~ By
               Yours truly.
          
          

Welcome to the family, Bloom's! You're one of us now , your name's Bloom too! 
          
          Thanks for joining me on this journey. I hope my stories bring you joy, inspiration, and a mix of drama, humor, and cuteness! 
          
          Please support me by reading, voting, and commenting it truly means the world. 
          
          Stay strong, stay bright, and know you're never alone. You've got me now. 
          
          Borahae! ♥️✨
          

People were really sick in their mind I guess.
          
          WHO IN THE HELL WOULD DO THAT?? AND TO A KID??? FOR FUCK SAKE SHITT MAN
          
          I questioned my life yeah still doing but really now I'm literally questioning the whole humanity. It's so sick and disgusting how do they even think of it lest do it???
          
          I recently read a twitter au, it was supposed to be fun and I thought ok it was just a au what bad could it have in it right? 
          
          BUT MAN THOSE THINGS HAPPENING IN REAL LIFE IS SO SICK AND WHAT IS THE GOVERNMENT EVEN DOING ??? THOSE PEOPLE ARE IN POWER, INVINCIBLE GIVES CHILLS TO ME NOW. ARGHHH WHY DO THINGS JUST HAVE TO HAPPEN WHEN I'M GROWING UP??
          
          FROM CORONA TO NOW I'M TIRED OF THIS FUCKING LIFE. I REALLY DON'T HAVE ANY FUCKING IDEA WHAT I SHOULD DO WITH THIS LIFE.
          
          I'm praying for those kids and helpless people to be safe. It's like the stupid creatures (they can't be human atp) are demons waiting to suck these people's soul it's so fucking sick.
          
          The only thing I'm grateful like beyond grateful is that me being born in the same era as BTS. Otherwise who cried for this life? *Sigh*
          
          Anyway, I read a book and made it a fanfiction for others to read it. Is it good? Idk but I loved the book and now should I sleep arhh it's 5.30 in the morning, I have classes at 9 but I haven't had a wink of sleep now what am I supposed to do?? 
          
          Arghhhh I HATE THIS FUCKING LIFE!!

FINALLYY I completed reading this book *big relief sigh*
          
          Tbh I bought this book a month ago and I really didn't have it in me to touch the book lest read it but yesterday I just took the book on a whim and started reading it and man that's the best decision I've done in a while ig. 
          
          The way it hooked me and it was hella interesting, it was a murder mystery and I loved every second of it and the result was not shocking just surprising. It's not like exactly like I haven't predicted at all but still it's not disappointing either.
          
          The whole way it rolled out was soo good and I really have a good impression on myself that I can read a book (as in a book in it's physical form not as from phone like from Wattpad or pdf) It's good then.
          
          Umm idk why my mind thought of thinking it as from Taekook way but I'm quite interested and tbh I'm a poem writer not a story writer but I have hell of ideas but not much vocabulary or talent to make it as a whole book. I've tried but maybe it's because of my lack of consistency I always give up mid way. There is this book I started but I just couldn't push myself to continue it (Break me) and then the other which like the above one I got the idea once I completed reading a book to see it from taekook pov, I started it (Trapped soul). But then again I still couldn't continue it also a lot of things going on in my life too *sigh* 
          
          Ok enough rant here. I'm glad I completed reading this book in a day hehee!!

Woah. WOAH
          
          I can't believe I read this book in one sitting.
          
          I really have to say this, first of all Jungkook's character was the one like the protagonist in the horror movies who'll just do things which are questionable and get themselves in trouble. Yeah. Bruh was such a character that he made me facepalm myself a lot and I cursed a lot too don't know whether at him or myself *sigh*
          
          But honestly? It was well written. The plot? The story line? The cliffhangers? Writing style? Amazing and mind-blowing!!
          
          Also there was this book, completely different from the above one I mentioned. This one left me crying mess at the end. Bruh the writing and the story, it's one hell of a book that made my chest tighten and made me question all my life choices. I was so soft after reading that and cried so much that I slept like that. (This took a soft place in my heart and I'm sure it'll stay like that.)
          
          So these two books were completely opposite but I loved reading it. 
          
          Taekook books are really the best comfort that I seek for and it really amaze me how I melt in and just forget the world for a while.
          
          Books name : 
          
          The first one was - Fate's play
          The second one was - 911
          
          ♡

OH MY FUCKING GOD
          
          UMM HII OK SO WHY AM I HAVING A GUEST IN THIS DESERT 
          
          OK I'LL STOP HERE I'M SPIRALING SORRYYY

Oh my fucking god! There should be some warning before throwing a whole bomb on me, on us. Like whatt?? I saw the pic yesterday but when I digested the whole thing, I started spiralling and crashing out!! 
          
          I'M FUCKING SOOO HAPPY, THEY LOOK SO FUCKING CUTEE TOGETHER AND THE HANDS??? THEY HELD HANDS SO TIGHT THAT I FELT IT IN MY THROAT, CAUSED MY WINDPIPE CLOSE AND MADE ME GASP FOR THE AIR!!!
          
          I'm not even exaggerating here, they are my babiesss and I'm sooo happy to see them togetherr. AAND I LOVE HOBII SO FUCKING MUCHHH!!!
          
          ALSO I WANNA REALLY SAY THIS,
          KARMA IS A BITCH AND
          TAEKOOK IS REAL FUCKERSS.
          
          The drama they pulled after the autograph thing woah I never thought they can't go ahead to brew stories like they did before especially while the AYS but guess what? I'm wrong. Those fuckers were going wild and even mocked and started dragging the account which posted the autograph pics. I really love how karma just slap them every single time and still they don't learn and starting to put the pic and say 'they look like bros' I'm really fed up it's not even a joke atp smh.
          
          THE WHOLE LURE OF 'BTS PAVED THE WAY' AND 'TAEKOOK IS REAL' ALWAYS GONNA BE ON TOP AND ALWAYS GONNA BE AT THE RECEIVING END OF HATE AND NONSENSE THEORIES. I'M GETTING TIRED ATP AND ANTIS SEEMS TO BE NOT TIRED OF SPILLING LIES MAYBE THEY THOUGHT SAYING A LIE AGAIN AND AGAIN WOULD MAKE IT TRUE? Huh whatever helps them sleep at night smh *sigh*

This guy
          
          God, I won't say he's the most handsome man I've ever seen,
          but he's the one who made me wonder the most.
          He's tan, intelligent, sometimes illogical, and a lot of things I've never been.
          He's more loud and lively, where I'm quiet and merely just a living ghost.
          
          Is it his eyes?
          But we never had proper eye contact.
          Is it his smile?
          But I never had a proper look at him.
          Is it his way of speech?
          But we never had a proper conversation.
          Is it his look?
          But I never properly checked him out.
          
          Then what is this pull?
          My eyes lingered longer on him.
          He got my attention, no, never in half, but as full.
          It's not a crush, I know, but also not a fleeting glance on a whim.
          
          I never had butterflies as I look at him,
          but the noises always fade, and my mind goes blank in his presence.
          Is it just attraction or longing towards him?
          Because I'm not jealous, but I wonder how he is living, and I want to make sense.
          
          I'm not in love with him,
          and surely not a 'let me take a look at him because he is hot.'
          But I have a lot of questions I want to ask him,
          so I just look at him and just wonder—a lot.
          
          ~ By, 
                Yours truly.
          
          (OKK, so is it only me who feels like this?? It's like I want to explore him, yet I don't want to reduce this distance. Maybe it's just the jealousy of mine speaking, maybe it's because of the contrast. Anyway, I'm not spiralling but just quietly, almost as if it's never there, I'm wondering. Tbh I wonder, a lot, but only when he was in eye sight, otherwise I don't remember having his thoughts. ANYWAY, I guess it's better, no more than better like this because no good will happen by knowing each other. It's already gonna be 2 years since I started wondering about him, but still I never had any urge to do anything regarding it. It feels like, it's merely an awareness, a recognition. And I really hope it stays this way *sighs*)

It's a new year but the thing is nothing feels new smh

Reading is really kind of comforting peace, especially a good book.
          
          I feel even more at peace when reading fanfiction about Taekook. I know it's just imagination and fantasy, but it brings a strange calm to my chaotic thoughts.
          
          I really want to believe I'm fine, but the more I tell myself that, the more uneasy I feel. But despite all of that I just return to read ff or watch BTS vedios. It's like being under the wrath of life and returning home and lay down as a sigh of releif leaves the mouth. I'm really grateful I born in the same life as them. And that's the only thing keeping me grounded for now.