"Well, until your feet feel like a period pain I suggest you shut up."

"'Frisbee's are such a lie, they never come back.'
'Don't you mean a boomerang?'"

"How do you wake up in the morning and think a coherent thought? Like how do you wake up in the morning and say, 'Yeah I can live with myself'. You should be ashamed of your very existence."

"'What do you need?' His eyes said 'You.' But his mouth said 'fkkooloo.'"

"I sounded so bored my ghost was angry with me."

"'Jesus, you take long showers.' 
'Not everyone can hide behind grease, David.'"

"You blue haired motherfucker. You look like my Grandma's curtains."

"No, you blue porcupine."

"Such a hormonal turtle."

"The Three A's: Adoration. Awe. Amazement."

"Chin up, Buttercup."

"'You're so quiet. What's on your mind?'
'Oh, just fake scenarios.'"

"'You know it's just a simulation, right?'
'Well now I do but in there it's like a murder maze. You don't know whether you're gonna get out.'"

"You've seen me in sunlight, Dip-ass. God, just when I thought you had a braincell."

"I hold this family up like the London Bridge holds the weight of their MP's. And just so you know, that's not a good thing."

"Are you clean or do I have to hose you down with a pressure washer and a scrunched up ball of barbed wire?"

"'Idk. Boredness? Boredness...' My head dropped in disappointment with myself."

"I'm gonna hold the weight of my failures like Adele holds the weight of her Grammy's."

"I'm allergic to dipshits."

"Whaddup fucknuts!"

"Yo mama so fat Trump signed her up to be the nuke." 

"'What is your worst nightmare?'
'A really soft grape.'"