I'm not good at these, so I'm just going to put a few sayings on here, that are sure to make you laugh(;

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If guns don't kill people, people kill people. Does that mean toasters dont toast toast toast toasts toast?

I hate it when people don't know the difference between "your" and "you're". There so stupid!

Don't try this at home. If you're homeless, go for it!

Maybe its Maybelline...or maybe its Photoshop.

The best thing about being single is sleeping around. You can sleep all over that lonely bed of yours. Left, right, middle, whatever...

We have so much in common. You want to travel, and I want you to go.

Ha! I just finished a puzzle in 8 months and the box said 2-3 years!

Why didn’t Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

They say a dog is a man's best friend, but I don't even have enemies that will look me dead in the eye while pooping on my carpet.

The reason it's called Mother Nature is because if it were Father Nature the weather would be a lot more predictable.

Covering someone's eyes and saying "Guess who?" is a really fun way to make friends... Especially at urinals

I'm rapidly approaching the age where I will be asking myself each new year, which will I break first? My resolution or my hip?

She plays hard to get, I play hard to get rid of.

I hate waiting in lines. I wish this lady would hurry up and pick a suspect already.

Do you ever get the feeling that you're being watched? Because if it's bothering you, I'll stop...

We have ways of making you talk. What we really need is a way to make you shut up.

I want to be a millionaire. Just like my dad! No, he wasn't a millionaire, but he always wanted to be.

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I took the one less traveled by, and immediately regretted that decision as there weren't any gas stations.