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Ok so a brief rundown before I ask my "question" (not even really a question) to nobody lol. A lot of the books I read have a female oc, mainly because most of the good ones have a female lead and I don't really mind who's the mc in a book as long as it's good (I do adore the good male oc book I get every now and then tho when i find one)
          
          Because of that, every time I start to write a book, I make the lead female cause I'm more used to reading about that. However. I myself, am surprisingly NOT a female. So despite reading a lot of those books, I have no insight into the female life or whatever. But while I'm not as well versed in the male protag, I feel like I could write it pretty good since I'm a, well, male. So I'm thinking of doing more male oc books than female.
          
          Also ignore the fact that my draft books never make it past 8 chapters before I lose motivation, this isn't about that right now.

I'm not even gonna lie, if I could pay one of the many extremely talented wattpad fanfic writers to make a story that I have kinda come up with (e.g. general plot line, characters, big moments, etc) in 1000% would.
          
          I would also probably just give them a bunch of creative freedom cause their writing is fire anyway.
          
          Oh how I wish I had the skills and motivation to create these stories as much as some of you guys do.

I'm kinda tempted to do a one-shot book of sorts. Like I have a bunch if ideas I wanna turn into stries but I know I would never finish them, so maybe a book where I have a couple chapters dedicated to a character and a scenario or two i think they would be cool in would be good.
          
          But then I might wanna develop some further and then at some point the book might as well be about one guy instead of like 10 people.
          
          Why is making books so damn hard, how are you people casually making masterpieces

Bro I will see a section that says "Because you've read _____ book" and I'm like "yes I liked that book!" And then all the recommendations are just books I've already read/tried out and I'm like "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"
          
          Wattpad is NOT helping me find new books to read, sometimes it gives me the sequels/original book to the one is suggesting like don't you think it's would've also read that one if i read this one?

I'm just jotting this down cause it's something I'm really guilty of. Every time i want to start to write a book, I always get to like when they get their hero costumes but I always try to find an image that best conveys what I have in mind but that can take forever, and then I either lose motivation or think of another idea, and then the cycle repeats.
          
          Basically I have like 10 different, roughly 5 chapter long book drafts that will never see the light of day. And that isn't even counting the ones I deleted.
          
          Not to mention, it's always because I think of a (definitely) great, really epic and emotional moment like, around the time of the training camp. But I'll never get to that so I have so many "good" ideas that just go wasted, I'm like running out of "unique" quirk ideas that I haven't already scrapped in a previous book.

Is it weird that I just had a thought about an oc whose quirk cause them an entire moral dilemma and is as if I thought of it when I was having a mid-life crisis?
          
          Basically, they thought they were quirkless their entire life before they die in a villain attack and open their eyes to see their own dead body before looking down at themselves and realising they're in an entirely new body.
          
          The quirk is basically when they die their mind gets copied and basically overrides the mind of a nearby person, like that person could've had a wife and children and was living a happy life until they essentially get erased out of existence.
          
          This means that the oc practically has a mental breakdown over the fact that sometimes they will just "kill" someone automatically, like they can't stop it.
          
          I see them meeting Aizawa and becoming friends because he can just let them finally die in piece but he has to watch them get murdered for the quirk to be erased which he obviously doesn't want to do and as they get closer the choice becomes harder and harder to make and I'm just yapping at this point, I think I've seen to many traumatising mha books 

Welcome back to random things I put in my Conversations because it's late at night, and I'm too sleep deprived to do anything else.
          
          Is it weird that I sometimes enjoy watching romance anime? Like I'm a guy and should have nothing to do with the genre and have no interest in it whatsoever, but when it's really late and I just hate my life as usual, I watch romance stuff because it's wholesome and it reminds me that nothing in my life is that special and that I probably won't ever have a romantic partner, or at the very least a good one, so I just watch the cute moments and know that I can only dream of having something like that.
          
          Is that weird and also should I see a therapist? Yes. Am I going to acknowledge that fact? No cause I'm lazy and super tired and definitely not too busy watching a romance anime rn hahaha that was real laughter I swear

What's the end goal of life? Like why do we have to do everything that we do just to die and be forgotten? Like my life is only gonna be remembered by family and close friends, so when they die the only thing left of me is a gravestone.
          
          I should go to bed.