I understand, lifes always is hard, I feel like it's a game where it wants to try so hard to drag u down over n over no matter how hard to try to do ur best. But what I learnt is that, I never let it faze me, yes I when sumthin finally goes positive, life shows up like a pain in the azz. But I move on from it, take some time for myself, and start again until I get that one something right to prove this "game" wrong. you can only try for so long tho, but whatever it going through rn, jus know there are ppl who are proud of u for what u have achieved, like me :)