Hi [@LILSIMYUNKI],
This chapter is a very strong start! You've expertly set up the central dynamic—the uncomfortable, intriguing return of Jaeyun—with excellent pacing.
What I loved most:
Relatable Voice: The opening scene with Niki is funny, setting a comfortable baseline before the chaos. Heeseung's internal voice is hilarious and relatable ("I forgot to tell you something important again tone," "Smooth. Real smooth.").
The Shift in Dynamic: The contrast between the Jaeyun Heeseung expected (blonde, chaotic menace) and the new, quiet, mature Jaeyun ("calm expression," "voice lower") is perfectly executed. It immediately creates tension.
Use of Detail: The mention of the glitter in the shampoo is a fantastic, specific anecdote that quickly defines their chaotic past relationship.
A quick suggestion:
Heeseung's internal monologue focuses a lot on what Jaeyun isn't doing (not teasing, not joking). While effective, you could deepen the intrigue by adding one or two internal thoughts about what Heeseung finds unexpectedly appealing about this new version of Jaeyun. For example, is his calm posture attractive? Does the lower voice sound better? This would hint at the "something Heeseung couldn't name yet" much sooner.
Fantastic job creating such compelling unresolved tension! I'm definitely clicking to read Chapter 2!
Best, [betareaderguru]
