@LauraDeCastr0 oh, hun, I am so very sorry to hear about your loss! i promise you it is NOT silly to mourn those we have lost, regardless of species. it's a proven thing that our minds don't see them as "different" when it comes to our emotional attachment to our animals.
I'm also so sorry you couldn't be there with them. those losses are particularly hard. and, dear heart, if it never gets easier, it's just a reflection of your own ability to give love freely, regardless of what you have been through. it's a sign of a certain type of gentleness that can never be shaken from you <3
personally, when it comes to loss-of which i've had plenty in my life-is i always take the time to feel it, and i mean really feel it. your mourning is a measure of your love, and there is nothing wrong with that. and when it comes to my animals, i like to reflect on their life, what made them special to me, and count up their good days. having an older animal pass away is a special achievement in and of itself. its a testament to your good care you gave them, to allow them to live a life that was full and happy. you should be very proud of that. It also helps to know that they are now removed from whatever pain they may have been experiencing, and are resting at peace, which is true for every animal you lay to rest. They do not fear the unknown, nor should you for them. <3
anyway, I hope my words gave you a little bit of hope, and let you know you're not alone in this. much love<3