FiruDiru

this message may be offensive 
To Lauren,
          
          Dear Lauren, i know you're not gonna receive this letter by i nonetheless will send it. This is a good bye message as i am leaving very very very soon. I know you may be glad that im gone, wish the worst for me, hate me, i understand. i deserve it. i did something horrible and i need to face the consequences. But no matter the circumstance, no matter what you may think, no matter what anyone says, i still and probably will continue to love you, however, i have also moved on. Dont blame me, you were my first love and i probably was yours. hate me all you wish, but nothing can change that. Though, im glad it was you. You were perfect, thank you. Wherever you are in life, whatever your goals are, and whomever you end up with, i truly with all my hear wish the best. I really hope you will live a happy and fulfilling life. Genuinely, i cant hate you. Ive tried.. ive had panic attacks, mental breakdowns where i think i hate you but in the end it always the same. I dont hate you, i never will, and i cant hate you. it's just impossible. You were so good to me, and well i was pretty shit.. but im sure you felt moments of joy, whenever i wrote you poems, got you gifts, sent letters, called, when my lips sealed yours, i know for sure you felt joy and so did i. but, it was a different story, a romantic tragedy. Where the man ends up being a douchebag, so this is goodbye to you mushroom. I wish you the best life possible, filled with love, joy and satisfaction. Our romance, was the biggest wasted potential of mine, and i feel immense dread and guilt as i deserve to, it haunts me everyday. I have nightmares of it, cant seem to sleep anymore. oh well. I do deserve it anyways. Fuck, maybe in another universe like they say ey? Just maybe, somewhere out there, i wasnt so horrible. I just wish it was this one. Maybe in another life Lauren, maybe another life... karma's a bitch aint it haha. I've become soft and pathetic. thisis the effectof yourabsence
          
          Yours truly,
          Firu.

realestposter

Trying to survive. The day we ended was the day my soul died. Im glad. Im glad you bought that i didn’t like you, im glad that my cold demeanor worked on u, im glad u broke up with me since i didn’t have the courage to do so myself, im glad that i did these horrible things so you can hate me and leave. 
          
          The day i end it is going to be 14/07/2024, consider it as my birthday gift to you. 
          
          Farewell,
          
          Yours truly, F.A.

realestposter

Hey. You most likely wont see this and im glad u wont. Everything i said before the block was a lie. Im not doing well. Im addicted to hard  (DPH) and im an alcoholic, i have been prescribed antidepressants, been diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder. 
          
          The health complications that comes with DPH “are restless legs syndrome, brain damage, tachycardia, seizures, serotonin syndrome, heart attacks, stroke, cardiac arrhythmia, psychosis, hallucinogen persisting perception disorder, depression, erectile dysfunction, and death. These become much more likely if DPH is used regularly and/or in high doses. Those under 18 should especially be wary of DPH, as it almost certainly causes brain damage, especially if the brain is still forming.” 
          
          It makes me hallucinate. I hallucinated you today, we were talking and as i was running to hug you and apologize for all the horrible stuff i’ve done.. as soon as i was about to hold you. You disappeared to thin air. You can forgive me, Christ can forgive me.. but i can never forgive myself. I feel so detached from reality. Like everything is so fake. 
          
          Anyhow, 
          
          Goodbye lauren