BlackBird

Why does grief sneak on you all of a sudden? How odd. Just know that I'll always care for you. I'll make sure you won't be forgotten.

6 goddamn years! And I'm still crying! To think I thought of you as so older and now I see you were barely a child!
          
          Leo, what I'd do to bring you back! If only I could go back in time, to talk to you once more, or try to understand you! You were twelve, Leo, twelve! What was it that tortured you so deeply?
          
          I've been thinking of what it would be like—I can't even remember most of our conversations— and I think you'd LOVE my current biggest interest. It's called Marble Hornets, and it's a webseries that came out on YouTube during the early 2010's. You'd love that, I'm sure of it! 
          
          You never got a chance to watch it though, I guess. Never will. How desperate of me to pretend you're still out there. A friend of yours wouldn't have lied to me for so long, no? Sometimes I wondered if she was you...but no, i remember she was blonde and you had brown hair, not to mention that you two have interacted multiple times before.
          
          Maybe someday, Leo. Maybe someday. Your worst fear hasn't come true. I've never forgotten you. Love you. <3

are you really not out there?

I still think about you. I always think about you

We did it. ❤

U were awesome. I miss you so damn much. 

hello i still miss u

hey Leo, today it's the day you killed yourself.
          I know, it's been a year and I'm still crying, I know this is not what you want "if I die don't cry, just look at the sky and say goodbye" but I can't help it but blame myself for not being a better friend, for not understanding and for being so dumb
          I really wish you were here, you were the best friend that I've wished for, kind, wholesome, smart, etc...
          I've never expected this day to happen, I know you've struggled with low self esteem but I couldn't know you had suicidal thoughts.. Or else I'd be a better friend 
          Maybe I should understood by some signs, maybe when you told those things you meant them.. Like the fear of being forgotten, or your favorite citation:"if I die don't cry just look at the sky and say goodbye" 
          I really wish to know what was happening, and I wish I've been there
          It's sad thing a 13 year old (now 14 almost 15❤️)was so tortured by the thoughts that she had no choice but to surrender
          It's sad because you couldn't get to live, to experience wonderful things and be happy
          I know the worst pain is your parents and sis, seeing the child they raised dead, and how much they are suffering, 
          It's gonna be hard without you, waking up and knowing.. You're not here.. And we'll never see u again
          I hope ur in heaven now, drawing and eating lot of steaks and bretzel ❤️

I miss u

wish you were here.
          rest in peace Leo, you were a great friend