LittleCat_Kat

@LegendsOfHimayaOkie finally finished reading it, for the most part its really good, the premise and plot are unique, and the writing is error free.
            
            The introduction was a nice hook, but I think the first chapter would have been better if it started with Lumi, instead of 'She'. Like literally in the third para the narrator switched to Lumi all of a sudden, instead of continuing to call her she...for no reason. As in Lumi didn't say her name so we readers and narrator still have not heard her her name as it wasn't given in the introduction either, and she hasn't really introduced herself and it feels like the narrator just *remembered* to call her that. 
            
            So you can start the opening line as: "Lumi heard the rustling of leaves..."
            
            Or a more interesting way for the narrator and reader to learn her name could be when she introduces herself to Eason. From there the transition from referring to her as 'She' to 'Lumi' is much smoother.
            
            Other then that I like the character, they are charming  :D

@LittleCat_Kat_2 thank you!✨

@Central_vee Okie! I can follow you with this account, could you follow me in my main account @LittleCat_Kat

@GabrieleAmico6 Okiee, I would make sure to check them out!

@THE_ESTIMATED no problem, I like giving detailed feedback and review. I hope it helped you :>

@THE_ESTIMATED Hi! I finished the prologue, and here are some of my honest thoughts->
            
            1)  You need to work on your vocab, like take Roy sheathing his sword part(I commented on that part)  You can't put down a sword into belt, it doesn't make sense.  Which is exactly why you should expand your vocab to find words that fit more. Like *Sheathing a sword* 
            
            2) Don’t make blocks of text bold. You wrote an entire flashback scene in bold which can make the writing bulky. Besides you have differentiated the flashback with *** so writing it in bold is really unnecessary and it can distract and detract readers 
            
            3) INFO DUMPING! There was a lot of information dumped on the the readers at the last half of the prologue, most readers probably won't remember the family members unique pasts. Not to mention this opens the gateway to *Telling more then Showing*.
            
            The last half of the book, was boring to read mostly cause there was info after info, and it wasn’t being delivered in a digestible way. Yes we got something new, but it was being told as if it was a lecture rather then a story unveiling itself.
            
            3) The next day part. Everything happened so quickly, not to mention there wasn't even dialogue. You told us the Dialogue, you never showed it to us.  Like what was it that Jordan had said to his mother that was comparable to lord of rings' characters. Which is unfortuntately considered boring and lazy writing.
            
            To make a scene impactful (which I am guessing the Departure part and the family secret reveal is supposed to be),  or a character impactful you need to show there emotions. Like Jordan's reaction felt *meh* you could change that by describing his actions, like shifting in his sit or his mouth gaped like fish because how astonished he was. And there is such more to work on.
            
            If exploring each family is so important then you can a)make multiple prologue or b) explore more of family through Jordan's flashbacks to his family telling him all that.

@THE_ESTIMATED Oh sure, I will read it through my main account when I have time! Also if you have anything to ask me, ask me through my main account @LittleCat_Kat message board that way I would see the message faster :> I am not really active in this account