@M0thy_1z_Z111y
On a lighter note to cheer myself up from all the my-grandma-died stuff... GUESS WHO GOT THE EPIC THE MUSICAL VINALS FOR X-MAS?!?!!?!?! I need some happiness right about now, tell me what y'all got for x-mas!
@M0thy_1z_Z111y NOICE also I got a.. grey pitbull plushie for christmas along with a motor scooter (help my dad is making me use it even though he knows I got terrible confidence/balance on bikes and scooters)
...By far, the worst Christmas of my life... I was right, so many people who I've never seen cry, were crying. I was right, it was so damn quiet. And I was right... she never woke up to say goodbye. I don't know what happened today, it was a fucking blur... so many damn tears... but I'm not as sad as I should be, and I hate it. I hate that I saw my grandpa, one of the strongest people I know, cry while trying to make a prayer for grandma. I hate that I saw my aunt cry, my uncle, my own dad. My cousins... everyone. I don't get why in America, funerals have to be so soon afterwards. Like, can social norms at least give us a week to greive? ...Why now. Why so close to christmas? I mean... at least she waited until all of us were in Ohio. My uncle would've never forgiven himself if he wasn't. I don't want to go to the funeral. It means goodbyes, it means more crying, it means pity from people I haven't seen since I was 2. I'm just happy she isn't hurting anymore... even though from now on? It's never gonna feel like christmas again. So cheers to the worst December of my life!!! Happy holidays, and happy new year people... I just hope grandma is wherever she wants to be. Probably heaven, she believes in god... Even if I don't... I hope I see her again someday. I love you grandma, you always made the best fucking cranberry jello known to mankind...
@DojiMoji21 The corniness was needed, genuinely ty :') and she fell about a week ago by now, and when she got to the hospital they discovered she had a bunch of issues with different organs... at leasth it wasnt the fall that killed her :) it didn't help that she had Alzheimer's as well... we're all gonna miss her, but I'm happy that she went peacefully. and thanks for the comment, it made me smile :)
@M0thy_1z_Z111y WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED? also I bet she's still making the best fucking cranberry jello in heaven, because lovers never stop loving (frick that was corny, but I think needed)
Hey... so I'm not gonna vent, but I'm gonna get something off my chest that I found out 2 days ago so I don't bottle it up. So... tw I guess?
So I just found out my grandma is in the hospital! My aunt came up for christmas and my grandma with Alzheimer's fell and hit her head and... yea... its been 2 days, she hasn't woken up, she isn't responsive, it isn't looking good!!! And I really, really don't want to lose her... why am I not sad. why am I not sobbing on my knees. I love her so much... but why aren't I sad? i've been patiently waiting, preparing myself, for the day she'd wake up and forget my name. Her granddaughter. Her Evelyn. I don't give a shit if Evelyn is my dead name. I don't give a shit if I'm revealing my dead name to you all! ...Is it selfish to hope- not hope. But is it selfish to think that death might be her escape? Her way out of pain. Of sleeping in her home office, or forgetting things, of not remembering to take her meds, not fucking remembering if she ate that day! I'm opening presents from my grandparents and doing a white elephant at their house tomorrow. I'm not looking forward to it. It will be as lout as it always is. But it;s gonna be so damn quiet... she wont be there... there's gonna be so many people that I don't want to see cry. I don't want people to see me cry. Can I cry? Idfk... fuck... My damn grandpa... he wont show the fact that he's sad. 50 years. just for his wife of 50 years, the woman he had children with, the woman who's kids gave them grandkids... losing her mind, so many falls, so many worries. But now? Now I'm scared. She cant die. She fucking cant. She cant leave all of us here to cry over her... why now? Why so near to Christmas? ...I wont get to watch the flower with her. The one that blooms for that one day. That one fucking Christmas day, every year, like clockwork. All because shes in the fucking hospital. And we have no gods damn knowledge of if shes even gonna wake up to say goodbye...
@M0thy_1z_Z111y I don't want to give away too much, but I'm very familiar with dementia and how it affects families. Because it's a long-term disease, it's Normal and Okay to think of death as a release from the suffering. It's an end for both the person that has to do through it and the people they love that have to experience the pain of the decline. It's a horrible thing to have to go through on either side of it. I'm so sorry this is happening. With as much as you said, I can tell how much you care for her and how many emotions are running through your heart. Whether you feel relieved it might be over or upset and grieving or Everything all at once, it's okay. Feel what you need to. Dementia is weird... You grieve for the person you lost even before they pass, and then you grieve twice sometimes. I know I can't help, but please know that everything you're feeling is okay and normal <3 things will be okay and it's okay to not be okay
sorry... I said I wouldn't vent. I guess I got carried away there. haha...
..........
Im 1.000.000 times sorry guys. I forgot my laptop existed and ive had so much school stuff that I genuinly forgot to log on. (PLZZZZZZZZZ forgive me?)
genderqueeer ?? gasp im a bit genderqueer(trans guy who cnt be fully confident as a boy but isnt a demiboy, so im a lil genderqueer)
heyyyy we are down for the interview stuff if you are, so whenever you are ready give us a text and we will be ready!! also, on our old account, one of our old alters interviewed us and our journey (its called our journey) so you can get some inspo there if you want!
IF ANYONE IS A FAN OF DELICOUS IN DUNGEON (I think that's the name) PLZ SAY SO BC I FEEEL LIKE I"M THE ONLY FAN OF IT LITERALLY EVERRRR!!!! (biggest Marcille kinnie right here)
Thanks to all 7 of u ^^ I'm so incredibly happy I have even 1 follower on here <33333 ty all, ily (/p)
7 followers?!?!!?! Sickkkkkkkkkk >:D Yall r the best >3<
yellow friend <3
