Can we talk about how hard it is to not be friends with someone you used to be close with?
Like... I think I managed to move on but sometimes, I catch myself thinking about them again. Not the version that made me miserable but the version that made me feel... safe.
But then I remember how they acted with me eventually... and I start feeling confusion, pain and bit of anger... though most likely the two latters.
I was never the really vengeful kind... you could do me dirty and I will still never hate you, at most I will pity you.
Now, no matter how much they hurt me... or how they made me feel like I wasn't good enough, I may act like I am angry.. but deep down I am conflicted. Part of me wants to hate them, and the other is ready to welcome them once more.
It left me wondering... if they were to return, what would I do? What SHOULD I do? Should I forgive them? Or should I close the door?
I hate being unable to hold grudges because eventually I feel like a complete idiot for being unable to hate someone who hurt me and made me miserable without even realising...