Misisgree

Stay pretty, stay educated, wear what you want, prioritize yourself & be successful.

I have learned to swallow my pain,
          not because it was easy, but because it became necessary.
          
          I learned to press it down into the quiet places of my heart,
          to breathe through the ache, to smile while something inside me broke.
          
          I convinced myself that silence was strength and that enduring was the same as being loved.
          
          I swallowed my pain in conversations where my feelings were dismissed,
          in moments when I needed comfort but was met with indifference.
          
          I learned to choose peace over honesty,
          to apologize even when I was the one bleeding, to carry the weight alone because asking for support only led to disappointment.
          
          Each time I held it in, I told myself it was temporary, that things would change if I was more patient, more understanding,
          more forgiving. 
          
          I believed that if I endured long enough,
          I would finally be chosen, finally be seen.
          So I stayed quiet. I stayed loyal. I stayed hurt.
          
          But pain does not vanish when it is swallowed.
          
          It lingers in sleepless nights, in sudden tears, in the heaviness that settles in your chest without warning.
          
          It turns into exhaustion, into self-doubt,
          into a constant questioning of your own worth.
          
          I became the one who patched the wounds others caused,
          while neglecting my own.
          
          Swallowing my pain taught me how to survive, but it also taught me how to disappear.
          
          I lost my voice trying to keep the peace.
          I lost pieces of myself trying to be enough for someone who never learned how to hold me gently.
          
          Now I am learning something new.
          That my pain deserves air.
          
          That my silence was never a virtue, only a shield.
          
          That I do not have to suffer quietly to prove my love, and I do not have to break myself to keep someone else whole.
          
          I swallowed my pain for a long time,
          but I am learning how to release it, slowly, honestly, and without shame because healing begins the moment I choose myself.

Don't buy anyone any Christmas gifts till you pay off all your debt! 
          
          Use the money to pay on your lowest debt till it's paid off. Let them be mad. It's time for 
          you to focus on you! 

Ngayon ko lang napagtanto, ni isang beses wala man lang nagtanong kung ano ang ayaw ko’t gusto.
          
          Wala palang nakakakilala sa akin nang malalim. Kung hindi ko pa ipapaalala, walang pupunta, walang mangungumusta, walang mag-aalala.
          
          Sa dami kong pinagkuwentuhan, wala man lang nagtangkang aralin ako. Walang bumasa na ayoko nang biglaang aya,  ng kapeng may asukal, ng masikip na lugar, at ng pritong itlog sa almusal.
          
          Ako pala ‘tong palagi silang kinakabisa, kaya’t kahit kailan, hindi ko pa naranasang masurpresa. Sa totoo lang, dama kong hindi ako naging kawalan sa mga lakad na hindi ko nadaluhan. Palaging ako lang pala ang nagkokonsidera sa iba, pero pagdating sa akin, walang pagpapahalagang bumabalik. Dama ko lang ang importansya sa tuwing mayro’n akong ambag o sa tuwing sila’y nababagabag.
          
          Ngayon ko lang napagtanto, ni isang beses wala palang nagtanong kung ano ang ayaw ko’t gusto, at hindi ayos ‘to. Hindi dapat ganitong trato ang natatanggap ko. Hindi dapat ako masanay na ginaganito. 
          
          - Regina Amit