NarcissusFae

Please read / vote for my story Auxiliary Automaton 503 which I've entered into the young writer's short story competition!! Good luck for everyone else taking part!!!

Mystery_Enchanted

Hi! Gosh, you and me have so damn much in common. Thanks for adding my book His Badass Juliet to your reading list, hopee you get some time off to read it later.
          
          On second thoughts, I'd love to have my poems reviewed. There's two of them: Once Upon A Dream, Once Upon A Nightmare and Enchanted Within A Heartbeat.
          
          If you have the time, you could skip off to my profile and have a look at them. I wouldn't ask you tot review my ongoing books because even I can't get enough of editing them. Lol.
          
          Byee.

NarcissusFae

Hi! Great to know there’s someone else like me out there!!! I’ll try to get around to reading His Badass Juliet asap, I bet it’s going to be as amazing as your poems!!! 
            
            Once Upon A Dream, Once Upon A Nightmare, was really moving and emotional for me and I think you did a great job of writing about such a deep and powerful theme, especially as conflict and terrorism was, and still is, a huge part of some people’s lives. 
            
            Basically, I thought it was beautiful. Just make sure it makes sense and that the reader can understand what you mean, for example, “...stained with shock, mischief replaced terror,” sounds like mischief is replacing terror, rather than the other way around. 
            
            My favourite thing about Enchanted Within A Heartbeat, was that is was so relatable. Almost everyone will have a crush on someone, but be too scared of rejection to tell them, and you’ve captured that feeling really well. Again, just make sure it’s understandable, the last two lines especially.
            
             If I’m being picky, I would say “But hopelessly involved I was, nobody’s fault but mine,” is grammatically incorrect and would sound better if you rearranged it: “But I was hopelessly involved, nobody’s fault but mine,” or “But hopelessly involved was I,” (although that sounds incredibly posh).
            
            I loved the last line, especially how the title was part of the poem and summed it up perfectly. But after the second comma, it doesn’t make sense. Personally (feel free to ignore me if you don’t like it), I would enter “I would drown or transcend was for me to find out,” onto another line and put a “whether” or “if” or something to that effect in front of it: 
            
            “Enchanted within a heartbeat, he ruled my heart.
            
            Whether I would drown or transcend was for me to find out.”
            
            Sorry it’s a bit long! I really did love both your poems, and I’m so excited about reading His Badass Juliet!!!!
            
            NarcissusFae xxx
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