NightisNotForever

Can anyone please provide me with some feedback on this pitch below?
          	
          	Jade Peterson, a young small-town guy, lives with his mom  Amelia in an old rusty caravan. Since the loss of his grandmother, strange events start to invade his dreams. Jade believes that dreams are part of life until a near miss of a lightning strike shakes his core to fear. This incident remains a secret among his friends but Jade doesn't settle for ease as Ken's dark past about drug abuse resurfaces. Meanwhile, a sudden familiar encounter with a girl leaves him to consider his thoughts about rejoining Hudson High School. Nothing goes as planned. Humanity begins to break apart as rumors spread about an evil force creeping into their town.
          	
          	I'm open to both good and bad critiques and changes.

Somniatormagicus

@NightisNotForever You're welcome :)
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NightisNotForever

@Somniatormagicus Thank you so much for giving this feedback, it means a lot! Yes right, I've been working on pitches lately to strengthen the storyline. I will make sure to work on the correction as soon as possible. This a story in progress so it will take time for it to come back this time a little stronger. Thank you so much again @Somniatormagicus
• Reply

Somniatormagicus

@NightisNotForever  Mysterious. Based on the pitch I would definitely read this book! So, that's a good thing right? The sentence "Jade believes...to fear" does feel a little bit random to me though. But I'm not a native speaker so maybe it's just me.
• Reply

NightisNotForever

Can anyone please provide me with some feedback on this pitch below?
          
          Jade Peterson, a young small-town guy, lives with his mom  Amelia in an old rusty caravan. Since the loss of his grandmother, strange events start to invade his dreams. Jade believes that dreams are part of life until a near miss of a lightning strike shakes his core to fear. This incident remains a secret among his friends but Jade doesn't settle for ease as Ken's dark past about drug abuse resurfaces. Meanwhile, a sudden familiar encounter with a girl leaves him to consider his thoughts about rejoining Hudson High School. Nothing goes as planned. Humanity begins to break apart as rumors spread about an evil force creeping into their town.
          
          I'm open to both good and bad critiques and changes.

Somniatormagicus

@NightisNotForever You're welcome :)
• Reply

NightisNotForever

@Somniatormagicus Thank you so much for giving this feedback, it means a lot! Yes right, I've been working on pitches lately to strengthen the storyline. I will make sure to work on the correction as soon as possible. This a story in progress so it will take time for it to come back this time a little stronger. Thank you so much again @Somniatormagicus
• Reply

Somniatormagicus

@NightisNotForever  Mysterious. Based on the pitch I would definitely read this book! So, that's a good thing right? The sentence "Jade believes...to fear" does feel a little bit random to me though. But I'm not a native speaker so maybe it's just me.
• Reply

NightisNotForever

What themes and topics do most of you like in fantasy realism stories? Do you have any suggestions? For example, can you tell me that I, despite this, like this or would want to see something unique, like... etc.? it will help me to know deeper about my readers.

NightisNotForever

Hey guys I'm trying to update 'All that they cannot see' story on every  Sunday. You might come across few mistakes, but I think for me it's a high time to proceed and complete the story gradually.
          
          It's a story about a  regular kid facing challenges in middle grade, when  line between reality and imagination turns blurry for him.

Mogitin

Hey thank you for Following, if you ever get a chance I released my first novel recently (Violet Eclipse), I'm currently looking for feedback on this first arc and hope that you and I can become friends as I continue to familiarize myself with this landscape.
          
          Adversely if you have anything to direct me too as far as your own work I'd be happy to take a look.
          
          have an awesome day!

NightisNotForever

@Mogitin usually I'm not active and only come for updating purposes. Sure will read you work and support you!
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