Peregrin Took

So apparently the anxiety has always been a thing with me and my dear mother decides to tell me that NOW?
          
          It’s like, a thing I’ve always done?!

So I did just spend like half an hour curled up into a ball under a weighted blanket and I still feel like shit

My mental health is really very not good right now.
          I might be acting a bit irritable and just bad I guess but also
          
          (Me, having a really bad mental health day): lays my head on the table
          (My family, clearly aware my mental state is fucking terrible): whATs WrONg WItH yoU?!

Like I know, why, physiologically, panic attacks are so exhausting.
          
          But are you telling me that because my dumb brain can’t function normally and decided to panic over nothing at SEVEN IN THE MORNING, I’m just gonna be fucking exhausted all day?!
          
          I HAVE SCHOOL YOU ASSHOLE

Tw for self harm (not graphic, again, I’m not trying to trigger anyone, also I’ll be talking about fics not reality)
          
          
          I FUCKING HATE when people in fics just TELL somebody self harm is not the solution and they just STOP?
          Like, that’s so fucking bullshit
          I got told by multiple people but the urge doesn’t just stop because someone tells you they love you and don’t want you to hurt yourself.
          Yes, recovery is possible, of course, but them just NOT doing it EVER AGAIN? 
          Do these people not know about relapses?
          Anyway, sorry for that, just got upset over a dumb 20 000 word fanfic lmao

Tw (mainly bc somebody reported one of my rants recently and I never intend to trigger somebody just bc I feel like shit)
          
          
          
          Can my mind just like stop?
          I’m on the verge of a panic attack
          I feel so hopeless it’s not even funny anymore
          I feel like basically none of my smiles are actually genuine anymore
          I hate thinking about the future yet I do it all the time
          
          I don’t know where the gifted kid with ambitions went but it sure as hell ain’t me anymore

My gender can be many things:
          YES
          nah
          Maybe?
          Girl
          Bitch idk
          Boy
          Mountain of blankets that may or may not be hiding a person

Guess who’s back to having body image issues after doing better for two years?
          
          It’s me!

I’m gonna one day be an insufferable parent who makes my children watch movies from my childhood and there’s nothing I can do about that.
          
          Sorry, future child, you are going to watch High School Musical with me. 

“It’s just a musical about shoes”
          
          BITCH